Strange Bedfellows
by WhosYourMutti
Summary: Olivia and the SVU squad investigate a case where an old friend is a suspect and then some. This story is set in season ten and was written to see if I could write a way to bring a certain blonde prosecutor back leaving existing canon mostly in tact.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note: I write for fun, not profit. Dick Wolf and NBC own all but the original characters contained in this story. No harm, foul or infringement is intended._**

**_There will be some clinical description of an SVU crime, crime scene and investigation in this story. Nothing terribly graphic, but this one earns its M rating. Also, we're going to be dealing with lesbian relationships and issues of sexual identity quite a bit. If that bothers you, stop now. This is decidedly less fluffy than my previously posted stories._**

**_As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!_**

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As Olivia Benson stood in the hall shaking the rain off her coat, the young uniformed officer bolted by her looking more than a little green. 'Been there.' Olivia took a deep breath and strode towards the commotion inside the brownstone.

"Benson, Special Victims." Olivia flashed her gold shield at the uniform standing in the doorway of what appeared to be the bedroom. "What have we got?"

The balding veteran shook his head. "Hell if I know what went on in there, detective. It's a freaking blood bath. I ain't never seen anything like it, nearly 30 years walking this beat." He scratched the stubble on his cheek. "Near as we can make out, we've got a female, early to mid-40's...trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey. Sex games gone wrong or I don't know."

"Thanks. I'll have a look. My partner, Stabler, should be here soon. Just tell him where I am, ok?" Olivia smiled and ducked in to the bedroom.

Olivia's eyes went wide at what she saw. The bedroom was set up for a seduction scene. Lights, candles...ok, maybe a little more heavy artillery than most required, but still fairly obvious how things were arranged. Olivia exhaled and rubbed her palms together as her eyes fell on the body. "Christ, Doc. That's a lot of blood. Any ideas for me?"

"Someone wanted this woman to suffer." Dr. Warner was dressed in her medical examiner's jacket and blue pants. She gestured with a gloved hand. "Most of the damage was done pre-mortem. My guess is she bled out eventually, but won't know for sure til I get her on my table." She shook her head. "I'm no shrink, Liv, but whoever did this was beyond rage."

Olivia nodded. "Any ideas on time of death?"

"Well, the body's still warm, rigor just setting in...four hours max. It's hard to tell with the blood loss, body temp would have started dropping sooner than usual." Dr. Warner instructed some members of her team in handling the body while the CSU team took photos and collected evidence around them.

"Ok, aside from the obvious damage, any sign of rape?" Olivia slipped rubber gloves on her hands.

"I'd guess yes, but no fluids present. There's a lot of damage to assess. Given the damage to her breasts and genitals, I'd have to say sexually motivated whether we have rape or not." She grabbed a clipboard and made notes.

"Thanks, Melinda. Keep us posted." Olivia walked over to the body. "She's wearing a ring. Do we have a name and a spouse to contact yet?"

"This place is owned by Councilwoman Martha Talbot. Her lover discovered the body. She was pretty upset. I took her to the kitchen for some air and water." The young female officer she had passed in the hall explained as she walked back in.

"She? Ok. Is she up for making a statement?" Olivia rubbed her forehead. 'Could this get more messed up? A lesbian councilwoman. This has hate crime written all over it.'

"Yeah, detective. _She_is upset, but wants to help." The officer gave her a look.

Olivia raised her palms in apology then jotted some notes on her pad. "Can you take me to her? Sounds like you've already connected with her. Might make her feel better if you're with me."

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Olivia saw the frail looking figure from behind. She was hunched over the kitchen table with a green medical blanket over her shoulders. Long blonde hair flowed over the green blanket and the slight shoulders shuddered with each breath.

"Ms. Cabot? It's Officer Dietz. I have a detective here who needs to ask you a few questions. Would that be ok?" The short yet stocky brunette crossed to stand next to the blonde and placed a hand on her shoulder.

The blonde nodded.

At the sound of the last name, Olivia's head snapped up and her eyes flew open wide. 'Nah. Just a common last name and lots of blondes in the city with a slight build like that.' She scratched her eyebrow with her thumb and grabbed a chair. "Miss, I'm Detective Benson. May I sit?"

The blonde's head drew slowly towards her with eyes closed. She'd recognize that voice anywhere. 'Of course it'd be her. Why wouldn't it be?' "Sure."

"Is there anything else I can get for you, Ms. Cabot? Some tea or..."

"No, thank you, officer." Alex opened her eyes and let them focus on the warm brown eyes of Olivia Benson. She blinked several times. It had been years. "Where shall we start, Detective Benson?"

Olivia drew her hand to her mouth and bit a knuckle in disbelief. "Alex? It's…been a while." Olivia scarcely knew where to begin. She knew Alex Cabot had been Bureau Chief for years now and never sought her out to get reacquainted. The last time that she'd seen her former Assistant District Attorney was in court after she'd helped secure a conviction of the man who'd tried to kill her. She disappeared back in to Witness Protection without another word. Her silence spoke volumes to Olivia.

"I'd say it's good to see you again, detective, but under the circumstances..." Alex swallowed and felt tears threaten her eyes again.

Olivia rubbed her fingers nervously. "Me, too, Alex. Me too. Are you up for a few questions?"

"Yes, sure. Anything I can do." Alex looked at Olivia. It was amazing to her that she still looked very much the same. The hair was a bit longer, she had filled out a bit...but she still had the same eyes, the same warmth about her, even the same damned smile.

"Ok. Can you tell me what happened here?" Olivia got out her pad and pen.

"I, uh, came home late from work and found her like..." Alex's voice broke.

"How were you and Ms. Talbot acquainted?"

Alex took a deep shuddering breath. "We were lovers."

Olivia cursed her eyebrow for rising of it's own accord. "Ah. How long had you been together?"

Alex swallowed and looked heavenward. "Marty and I were celebrating six months tonight." She felt her throat tighten.

"Easy, Alex. It's ok." Olivia reached out and covered one of Alex's trembling hands. "When you left work, you came straight home?"

Alex nodded.

Just then, one of the CSU investigators knocked on the doorframe. "Excuse me?"

"Yes?" Olivia answered her eyes flashing a warning.

"We need to bag Ms. Cabot's clothes. There's blood evidence on them according to EMS. Sorry, ma'am." The young Latino woman stated apologetically.

Olivia ran her fingers through her hair. "Ok. Can you bring her something to change in to?"

Officer Dietz spoke. "I'll go get something. Be right back." She smiled at Alex.

"Alex?" Olivia asked tentatively. "How did you get blood on your clothes?"

Alex closed her eyes and pulled her hand away. "When I came home...and found her...I collapsed on top of her and held her. I know I shouldn't have, but I did." She dropped the blanket and revealed a navy suit with a cream silk blouse covered generously with bloodstains.

"About what time was that?"

"I got home about 8:30pm." Alex looked at the table. "I was supposed to meet her at 7:00pm for dinner. I got held up at the office."

"I'm sorry I have to ask, but can anyone verify that for us?"

"Yes. Most of my staff was with me." Alex still spoke at the table. She knew what question would come next.

"And the bedroom, the candles, the seduction scene...was that for you?" Olivia swallowed hard.

"I believe they were, yes. She said she had something special to share with me. She was ready to take our relationship to the next level."

"So, that set-up was not the norm for you?"

Alex rubbed her forehead. 'How can this be happening? My lover is dead and I'm having a conversation with, of all people, Olivia Benson about my sexual proclivities.' "Not all of it, no."

Olivia nodded slowly as the officer returned with some NYPD sweats for Alex. "Let's get you out of those, shall we?" Olivia held out her hand to Alex. "Which rooms are clear?"

The officer radioed her partner who said the guest bath could be used. CSU wanted her supervised and of course, since Olivia hadn't verified her alibi, she was still a suspect.

"Give me the bag, Ramirez. I'll collect it." Olivia held out her hand for the clothes and bag. "C'mon, Alex."

Alex shivered when the reality hit her that she wasn't going to be allowed to be unsupervised because she was a suspect. "Yes, of course."

Once the women were alone in the guest bathroom, Olivia spoke quietly. "Alex, I'm so sorry about your loss and for this. You know I can't break protocol, though. I have to treat you like suspect or a first year law student would tear our investigation and case apart."

"I know, Liv. Thanks." Alex blushed as she shed her blazer. She knew Liv was just doing her job, but she was about to strip in front of her.

"You know I'd offer to turn my back if I could." Olivia bit her bottom lip and placed the blazer in a bag. "Just take your time and when you're ready hand them to me and I'll bag 'em."

"I know you would. Let's get it over with." Alex bent over and pulled her nylons down. She rolled them off her long pale legs and offered them to Olivia.

"Thanks." Now it was Olivia's turn to blush. She'd once dreamed of Alex undressing in front of her.

Alex reached behind her and unzipped her skirt. It fell to the floor without ceremony and Liv picked it up after Alex stepped out of it.

Olivia's eyes roamed over the now exposed flesh of Alex's legs and the black lace panties at the apex. Olivia cleared her throat. "We don't need your bra or panties, ok?"

Alex nodded and began unbuttoning her silk blouse. There was no hiding the crimson shade she was turning as she pushed the buttons out of the holes. She unbuttoned her cuffs and shrugged out of the blouse delicately. She held it out to Olivia.

Olivia took a few deliberate breaths. Seeing Alex Cabot before her with nothing but black silk and lace covering her was effecting her in ways it shouldn't. Alex was still a suspect and once her alibi cleared, she was a victim of having seen the gruesome death of her lover, her _female_ lover. "There we go. All done." Olivia placed the last article in the bag and handed Alex the sweats.

"Thanks, Liv." Alex took the gray sweats and slipped in to them. They were a bit big.

Olivia smiled. Alex looked cute in the over-sized sweats...like she'd raided her older brother's gym locker. "It's a good look for you."

Alex smiled lightly. "Uh huh. So, what now?"

"Well, it's late and you probably should get some rest. We can finish getting your statement tomorrow." Olivia fumbled with the door.

"Here. Let me. You've got your hands full." Alex opened the door.

Olivia handed the bags to Ramirez. "All bagged and tagged."

"Thank you." The investigator hurried off with the evidence bags.

"Is there somewhere else you can stay tonight?" Olivia asked stuffing her hands in her pockets.

Alex shrugged. "I'll go to a hotel."

Olivia smiled wistfully. That's probably what she'd have to do in similar circumstances. "Ok, I'll take you."

"That's ok...I can..." Alex stopped herself and looked around. "That'd be really nice."

"Let me just check in quick. Be right back." Olivia gave Alex's arm a squeeze.

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Olivia returned with the knowledge that CSU would be there a while still. Her partner, Detective Elliot Stabler, had a family emergency involving his youngest son and would have to pick up with her in the morning.

"You ready to go?" Olivia offered from the kitchen door.

Alex let out a small sigh. "I guess. This was not the evening I had planned."

"Obviously not." Olivia let Alex walk by and followed her out.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alex snapped.

"That you were prepared for a romantic evening with your girlfriend...not this." Olivia gestured to the people bustling through the brownstone.

"Sure."

They walked in silence to Olivia's sedan. "Alex, look" Olivia said once they were inside, "I don't have a problem with you, or your girlfriend or what you do in your free time. Sex is supposed to be one of the best parts of life, not the worst."

"I know. I'm just not ready to have my sexual proclivities displayed in front of my old squad and plastered across the front page of The Ledger." Alex buried her face in her hands.

"I'm going to talk to the captain in the morning. We'll make sure things stay contained on this case." Olivia tried to reassure.

Alex bit her bottom lip. "Yeah, I know you will. I just...it's so unreal. So overwhelming..." Alex shut her eyes.

"I'm not going to say I understand. My relationship record is about two months. I really am sorry for your loss though. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you." Olivia patted her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Off the record?" Alex looked at Olivia with tears shining in cloudy blue eyes.

Olivia nodded.

"She was the longest for me. I was actually starting to think maybe I'd found one with long term potential." Alex shook her head. "It's selfish, but I think someone up there wants me to be miserable for my whole life. I shouldn't be making this about me."

Olivia pulled in to the parking garage. "Stop it. You're traumatized, sweetheart. It is about you. What you saw, what you're feeling. That's real. And as for having the door slammed on your happiness...we can compare notes on that another time. You're being too hard on yourself." Olivia parked the sedan.

"It's just been a long night." Alex swallowed. "I can take it from here."

"Like hell. I'm going with you." Olivia shook her head slightly.

"You haven't changed a bit." Alex almost chuckled. "Still serving and protecting _everyone_."

"Damn skippy I am."

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	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Note: Spoilers for Loss and Ghost. Again, we have detailed clinical discussion of an SVU crime, crime scene, investigation and interrogation. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. Enjoy!_**

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The next morning, Olivia arrived bright and early. She found her partner already waiting with the captain.

"So, Liv, talk to me. I'm being told brutal hate crime and there's a lover who found the body?" Captain Don Cragen spoke to his top detectives.

"The vic is a councilwoman and a lesbian. The body was sexually mutilated worse than I've seen in a while." Liv joined her partner and their captain.

"So, we've got a high profile woman who was not exactly timid about her preferences..." Elliot pursed his lips a little.

"Why would she be, Elliot? So that she can steal votes from narrow-minded constituents?" Olivia challenged her partner with her words.

"Easy, Liv. I was just reading the crime scene reports and apparently there was some," Elliot gestured with his hands, "sexual paraphernalia set up and it _was_ the lover who found the body. How does the lover look for this?" Elliot crossed his arms and waited for his partner's reply.

"The lover is Alex Cabot." Olivia held her breath.

Elliot's eye widened. "Oh. I didn't know." This fact stirred the interest of the two other senior detectives who had been at their desks.

"Ok." The captain's even tone broke the awkwardness. "So, we'll use discretion here and keep this out of the papers as long as we can. Liv, when are you interviewing Alex?" The captain rubbed his forehead.

"She's coming in this morning, cap'n. She doesn't look good for this. I've already run her alibi, four of her staff vouch she was in her office until 8pm. I got some basics from her last night."

"And a free peep show, from the rumors I heard." Detective John Munch wiggled his eyebrows as he sauntered over.

"Shut it, John. I was collecting evidence." Olivia scowled at the older man.

"S'ok, Liv. He's just pissed cuz can't remember the last time a beautiful woman undressed in front of him s'all." Odafin Tutuola completed the tableau of detectives around Stabler's desk.

"Munch, Fin, get a victimology for us. But do it quietly." The captain gave his orders with trusted authority. "Liv, wait here for Alex to finish the interview. Until Warner gives us a real time of death, she's still on the list. Elliot, go lean on CSU for more info on the nature of our crime. I'll have Dr. Huang meet you there to give us as much help as he can."

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Olivia brought the mug of steaming hot tea in to the interrogation room. "Here you go. Anything else, Alex, before we get started?"

"No, thank you. Just eager to get this over with."

"Of course." Olivia sat down opposite Alex and pulled out her pad and pen. "So, let's start at the beginning shall we?"

"Sure. How far back shall I go?

"How did you and Ms. Talbot meet?" Olivia sat back.

"We met at the park, actually. She took me to dinner at Onyx that night." Alex folded her hands in front of her. "We made a connection and began dating."

"And you now live together?" Olivia jotted notes.

"Yes, for about a month now. We had been spending so much time at her place that it made sense. It worked out really well for both of us."

"She was pretty open about her lifestyle. How were you with that?"

Alex shifted a bit. "Not as open as she was. I wasn't ashamed or anything. I just didn't advertise it. It was a stumping point for her career and can be a blockade for mine." She sipped the hot liquid in her mug.

"I know what you mean. So, how were things going?" Olivia remained professional and leaned in.

Alex sighed. "They were going well. It wasn't perfect, but we had a good thing going. I cared about Marty very much. I was falling in love with her."

"But you didn't love her? That seems..." Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"I know. You aren't supposed to live and sleep with someone you don't love. It was different, complicated and very hard to explain." Alex scratched her head.

"I'm not here to judge you, Alex. I've already got you scratched off our list of suspects barring anything unforeseen with time of death." Olivia tapped her pen.

"Are you familiar with the Onyx, detective?" Alex took a deep breath.

"Vaguely. It's a sex club..." Olivia ran her thumb along her jaw in nonchalance.

Alex laughed and rolled her eyes. "That's what folks think all homosexual clubs are, right? Just orgies with booze and music...just a mirror ball removed from ancient Rome."

"So, set me straight." Olivia leaned back and opened up her body language.

"It's a club where professional women can relax around other like-minded women. Onyx has a quiet bar to unwind and separate areas for dinner and dancing. There are rooms for more 'extracurricular' activities, but most just go to there let their hair down and in a safe place." Alex wrapped both hands around the mug.

"Ok. Sounds like a regular club then. Just exclusive for successful women looking to meet women?" Olivia moved her head from side to side.

"Yes. Marty and I were regulars there. What else do you need to know?" Alex studied her mug more carefully than necessary.

"Tell me about Martha. Did she have any enemies?"

Alex chuckled. "By the bag full. She was strong willed, determined, and passionate about her work. Lord help those that stood or tried to stand in her way. She pissed off more than one right wing lunatic in her career."

"Anyone stand out? Anyone she's been having trouble with lately?" Olivia scratched at her shoulder.

Alex nodded. "The Reverend Jeremiah Austin of the Church of Light kept imploring her to repent her Satan-loving lifestyle and turn towards the light at the peril of her mortal soul. There was a rather descriptive cleansing rite described in a note she received from him once."

"Anyone else?"

"Check with her secretary, Sam Winston. She'd know better than I who was on her case the most lately." Alex stretched her neck.

"Guess you didn't get much sleep, huh?" Olivia offered a genial smile. "You wanna take a break or something, Alex?"

"No. Mostly I was up dreading this interview." Alex seemed to bristle.

"Why is that? I showered and brushed my teeth and everything." Olivia smiled.

"About the sex, Liv. You have to ask and I have to answer. Can we just get it over with? Please." Alex swallowed hard and took a few deep breaths.

"Ok, fine." Olivia ran her fingers over her mouth. "Obviously, at some point, you and Ms. Talbot became intimate. Judging from the scene, was there a kinky nature to that intimate relationship?"

"You can take off your kid gloves, Liv. It had been heading that way for some time. It started off pretty basic and then started getting more intense as we went along. As the community defines it, it was quite tame. Until a few weeks ago."

"Uh huh. What happened?"

"She wanted more aggressive play, more along the lines of true dominant and submissive. I was fine with a certain amount of kink, but I could never actually hurt her. She wanted more of that than I was comfortable giving."

Olivia's forehead furrowed. "She began asking you to do things you weren't comfortable with?"

"No. Well, not really, no. Sort of. She'd really just make suggestions, but I was never forced to do anything."

"So we're clear here, Alex...you were satisfied with your sexual relationship?" Olivia steepled her fingers.

"Yes."

Olivia nodded. "And Marty?"

"Yes. Always. I guess."

"She never seemed to take your non-participation in the type of play she was edging towards personally?" Olivia leaned in.

"Never. Though she was...almost insatiable." Alex sighed deeply with the thought.

"But, it would appear that she was trying to change your mind about things last night." Olivia drummed her fingers.

"I didn't say she didn't try to persuade. She kept hoping in a weak moment I'd give in and play her way. I never did." Alex bit her bottom lip and sighed. "Almost wish now I hadn't been so difficult."

"You know that it's ok to enjoy sex and even to enjoy kink. Nothing illegal about it, Alex." Olivia noted the regret in her eyes and wanted to put her friend at ease.

Alex lowered her eyes and her head. "Oh, and I enjoyed it. More than I ever thought I would. It was..."

"An adrenaline rush? It's ok, Alex. Alex Cabot is allowed to feel pleasure, you know." Olivia smiled shyly.

Alex nodded. "I know. It's just in my profession..."

"Tell me about it. Come back as a waitress in your next life. It'll be easier." Olivia tried to meet Alex's eyes.

"What's your excuse?" Alex caught Olivia's eyes and saw something flash behind them.

"You can ask that question again when we're not in my interrogation room." Olivia stared at Alex. She was still clad in the baggy NYPD sweats, her hair a bit damp from the rain still pounding the city.

"I just might." Alex caught something fleeting in her stare. Something that told her perhaps Olivia wasn't quite as over whatever it was that once existed between them.

"Let's get out of here and grab some breakfast. Maybe we can buy you some clothes to change in to. You look like you stole your big brother's gym clothes." Olivia stood and grinned at Alex.

"Flattery will get no where, detective. Breakfast sounds good."

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Throughout breakfast at the diner, Olivia couldn't get certain images of Alex out of her mind. Alex at a club. Alex picking up women. Alex in black lace. It was downright distracting and she hated herself for it.

"So, we've done a lot of talking about me. What have you been up to, Liv?" Alex asked spearing a piece of fruit.

"Ehm, same old, same old. All work and no play makes Liv a dull girl." Olivia sipped her orange juice.

"Then I guess we're all caught up." Alex said exasperatedly.

Olivia sighed heavily. "Sorry I'm not better company. I have a lot of...regrets, Alex. I thought I'd worked through them, but..."

"Regrets?" Alex searched Olivia's eyes.

Olivia rubbed the heel of her hand against her forehead. "I didn't sleep much last night either, Alex. Last night I came face to face with a ghost from my past. I hadn't had the thoughts I had last night…in a long time. That's all."

"So offering you a penny for them...probably not going to get me much?" Alex stirred her coffee absently.

"You still have that Platinum Amex card? That might get you somewhere." Olivia shifted in her seat and exhaled.

Alex gave a half smile.

Olivia closed her eyes. Alex deserved the truth. "I go over and over the night you were shot in my sleep. You don't know how many different times, how many different ways I've saved you in my dreams." Olivia was surprised to feel herself choke up quickly. "It's my greatest regret."

"Olivia." Alex covered Olivia's hand with hers.

"Sorry. This was...I shouldn't have said..." Olivia knocked tears off her cheeks with her thumb. "I'm the one who killed you that night, Alex. Some detective I turned out to be. Three steps closer. Behind you, instead of in front. Shielding you from the street side. Being more observant. Seeing the SUV a second sooner. Pulling my weapon and shooting them before they shoot you." Olivia chewed nervously on her cheek and sniffed.

Alex blinked away her own tears. How much selfishness could she squeeze in to one twenty-four hour period? "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you must have gone through." Alex began to rub her thumb against the back of Liv's hand. Alex took a deep breath. "Maybe we could start over?"

The brunette laughed a short laugh through her nose. "Yeah, like a do-over? What are we, in third grade? Make the last five years a do-over?" Olivia shook her head.

"Well, you just admitted to having done nothing of note in those five years. Why not start over?" Alex shrugged with a wry smile.

"I don't know." Olivia's cell phone chirped. "Excuse me." She pulled out her phone and turned away slightly. "Benson. Yes, I am. Ok, what have you got? Uh huh. Sure. Will do. I don't know...half hour tops. You bet."

"Who was that?"

"Munch. They met a bartender named Dani...works at Onyx. Tell me about the fight you and Marty had there." Olivia pursed her lips.

"Oh Christ." Alex exhaled forcefully. "A couple weeks ago...we sort of got a little loud and a lot public about our 'issues' right there at Onyx. But it wasn't anything, Liv. I swear. Just a shouting match that dissolved in to name calling." Alex was suddenly wishing the earth would open up and swallow her.

Olivia only nodded. "Ok. Were any threats made?"

"Threats? No! Just name calling and a generally embarrassing public airing of dirty laundry." Alex looked at Olivia pleadingly.

"Off the record, tell me what was said." Olivia was back to being all business.

Alex blew some hair out of her face. "She called me a cold, pretentious, inflexible princess whose silver spoon had migrated from my mouth to up my ass. That was about it from her. I called her a freaky deaky horndog dyke who couldn't keep it in her pants if she wanted to." Alex's cheeks flushed. "It was really horrible, actually."

"Sounds that way. So, you obviously worked things out?" Olivia folded her napkin a few times.

"Yeah, we did. Like I said, things weren't perfect." Alex looked at her plate and pushed her egg whites around a bit.

"And what brought on the fight?" Olivia drained her coffee.

"Marty had been dancing with a new girl at the club. It was just dancing, but the girl, emphasis on girl, was pretty hot in a waifish kind of way. Marty was being a little inappropriate and I was jealous."

"How was she being inappropriate?" Olivia worked her tongue against the inside of her cheek.

"She suggested we 'instruct' the girl _together_. She was only half teasing. In the cold clear light of day, she realized what a silly idea it was and we made up." Alex shrugged weakly.

"What was the girl's name?" Olivia cleared her throat.

"Tanya."

"And she really invited her in to your bedroom?" Olivia scratched her upper lip.

"No, but she entertained the idea. It was never an option for me." Alex flexed her fingers and stretched a bit.

"Ok. That's easy enough to check out. You about ready?" Olivia gave a weak smile.

"Sure. Do you know when I'll be able to get back to the house?"

"I think it'll be another day or so. Why?" Olivia threw some bills on the table.

"Clothes and things. I do still have to work. I've got some stuff at the office, but I'm still in the same...uh..." Alex searched for the proper phrase.

"I know. Those probably aren't your comfy work undies." Olivia grinned.

"No. They're not." Alex blushed profusely. "Thanks for noticing."

"Look, why don't I run you by the Val-u-Mart and you can pick up some things?" Olivia was confused by the aghast expression on Alex's face. "What?"

"You buy _underwear_ at Val-u-Mart?" Alex looked like Olivia had just said she loved to drink elephant pee.

Olivia bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "Right. Where shall we stop then, Ms. Cabot?"

Alex groaned. "Val-u-Mart's fine. You can help me decide between plain white cotton and pastel cotton with butterflies."

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	3. Chapter 3

**_Author's note: I'll reiterate that we continue to discuss an SVU crime, crime scene and it's investigation. I'll say my usual bit about appreciating feedback and let you get to it. Enjoy!_**

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It was late afternoon when the detectives had all reconvened back at the bullpen. Elliot had the floor.

"Warner puts a TOD at between 5:30pm and 7:30pm. Long and short is she bled to death. Our perp started at the top and assaulted his way down. There were no fluids present or spermicide, but there were some internal injuries consistent with rape. Murder weapon was a dull knife with a short blade...maybe a paring knife and the perp's bare hands. They'll have more as they go, but that's it for now." Elliot gestured to Dr. George Huang.

"The victim was alive for most of the injuries...yet we had no noise complaints and there was no sign of forced entry. So, the victim knew the perp. My guess here is that she was willingly restrained and possibly gagged. This was no accident though. The perp was calculating and savage in her destruction and focused on obliterating the genitals." George spoke in his even, clinical tone while describing the profile of their perp.

"Wait. Her?" The captain spoke up.

"Yes, captain. Very likely your perp is a young female, in her 20's and the source of her rage is centered around her issues of sexual identity." The psychiatrist's hand stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"So, we got any angry 20-somethings with identity problems on our lists, people?" The captain asked.

"Well, I've got a Tanya...but I'm getting no where fast." Olivia bounced her leg nervously. "Munch, Fin, you didn't happen to run across that name at Onyx did you?"

Fin flipped through notes. "Nope, no Tanya's. Sorry, Liv."

"So, take us through her last day, detectives." The captain folded his arms.

Fin stood up and approached the board. "After leaving her apartment for work at about 7am, stopping for a latte and flirting with a barista at Starbucks, Talbot spent the morning at her downtown office doing some paperwork and writing a speech with her assistant, Sam. She left the office at 11:30am for a lunch meeting with five other council members. They all left Cafe Rouge at 2pm. She was wrapping up her working day and heading home to prepare for her anniversary dinner with Cabot. Stops on the way home were a bodega and a florist."

John Munch chimed in with what he had discovered. "The neighbor puts Talbot's key in the door by 3:30pm. No one noticed anyone in or out or any strange sounds until Cabot discovers the body...five hours later."

"So either the perp is already there and waiting...or..." Elliot searched the eyes of his fellows for theories. "Or what?"

"Cabot's alibi checks. Not to mention, she's not in her twenties nor does she have any crisis of sexual identity. She did have a public fight a couple weeks ago at Onyx and I'm looking in to this Tanya." Olivia exhaled and tapped her fingers.

"Ok, then we've all got work to do. Liv, Elliot, let's find this Tanya. Munch, Fin...recanvas the neighborhood. Someone saw or heard something. Maybe they just don't realize it yet." The captain turned to leave and he called over his shoulder. "I'm calling in a favor at 1PP to keep this out of the papers for another day. That's all we got before this gets very public, people."

Olivia slumped back in to her desk and shuffled some papers. George walked over to her. "Yes?" She asked with trepidation.

"I agree that it was not Alex. This was not a crime of passion. Fight or no, this smacks of lots and lots of long suppressed rage." George nodded.

"Thanks, George." Olivia nodded back at the good doctor.

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Hours later, Liv was still seated at her desk having slammed the phone down much harder than necessary and then going slightly medieval on it for hopping out of the cradle. She ran her fingers through her hair and then pressed the heels of her hands into her burning eyes.

"Whatever that phone did to you, I'm certain it's sorry and will never do it again."

Olivia dropped her hands and her eyes met crystal clear glacier blue. "Hey. What are you doing here this late?"

Alex perched on the edge of Olivia's desk as she had so many times before...only with half a decade in between perches. "Would you believe no place else to go and nothing better to do?"

Olivia bobbed her head. "I'd believe it, sadly enough."

Alex smiled. "Well, that and I figured you'd still be here."

Olivia returned her smile. "Both slaves to our job, right? Justice is a harsh mistress. So, how was work?"

"Eh, I basically cleared my desk and calendar. I've got a few personal days coming. Marty's sister is coming down to take care of her arrangements once they release her body. The funeral will be upstate." Alex suddenly looked really sad.

"That's a good idea to take a couple days. How are you holding up?" Olivia looked up at Alex from her chair and noted the dishelved hair, the dark circles and the even paler than normal complexion.

Alex shook her head. "I don't even know. I think I'm fine one minute, then I hear a song or read a sentence or smell a smell and almost lose it."

Olivia swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "Yeah. I know."

Alex looked puzzled. "I didn't think you and your Mom were close?"

"We weren't close at all." Olivia closed her eyes. The weeks after Alex's faked death were horrible for her. Knowing that Alex was alive and yet even more out of reach than before ate at her soul until she thought she would never eat or sleep properly again. "It gets better after a while. I know it hurts right now. In a few weeks numbness will creep in. But it does get better." Olivia smiled wistfully.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Alex sighed.

"I don't know. Guess it didn't, huh?" Olivia stretched her arms out and yawned.

"You should call it a day. Have you eaten yet?" Alex pushed off the desk and turned to face Olivia.

"Not since breakfast unless you count two jelly donuts as lunch." Olivia shrugged.

"I don't count donuts. Have dinner with me?" Alex tilted her head and smiled.

"You buying?"

"If it means we can go someplace with table linens and wait staff without their names on their shirts, yes." Alex grinned.

"I'll get my coat."

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"And that was the time I spent undercover for the FBI." Olivia took a sip of water.

"I can't imagine you as a hippy dippy tree-hugger, Liv." Alex was laughing and it felt good. She was surprised at how easily they fell back in with each other. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed their connection.

"Oh, I was the whole package. Turned in to a dead-end with the group I infiltrated, but I did get to help that girl." Olivia glanced at her watch.

"Yeah, it's late and you have to hunt bad guys tomorrow." Alex practically pouted.

"How many martinis did you have exactly?" Olivia found Alex with her guard down particularly charming.

"Two...no wait...three. I think." She groaned and buried her face in her hand sheepishly. "I'm pretty sure I'm drunk."

"Yeah, well, I'm no doctor, but I agree. Let's get you back to your hotel." Olivia stood and helped Alex with her coat.

"Chivalry is not dead." Alex grinned playfully.

"Yeah, well, we'd be here all night watching you chase your sleeve if I didn't help. Button up, it's chilly out after that front moved through." Olivia zipped up her raincoat.

Alex pitifully had little success with her coat's buttons and growled in frustration. "Liv. A little help here?" Her tone was almost whiney.

Olivia rolled her eyes and buttoned up Alex's coat for her. The back of her hands lightly brushed Alex's chest and Olivia heard her gasp a little. "Sorry. Not sure how to do this without touching you."

"S'ok." Alex tried to hide the flush crawling across her cheeks.

"Let's just go to my place, ok? You need coffee and I can't leave you alone in a hotel room like this. You might not be able to get out of this coat for days." Olivia offered Alex her arm.

Alex took it, smiled and nodded.

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Several cups of coffee later the women were comfortably settled on Olivia's couch. Olivia had changed in to flannel pj bottoms and a tank top and offered Alex the same. Alex looked at Olivia. She was one of the most aesthetically pleasing individuals she'd ever met. Her warm brown eyes held so much soulful passion. Her hair was longer than the last time they'd spent this much time together. Her hands were still the same. Strong, yet soft. They could knock a perp across a room or comfort a broken victim. They could take a life or give hope. Alex always found herself gazing at those hands and wondering what they'd feel like...

"I should let you sleep. You're fading on me." Olivia slapped her thigh genially and stood up.

"No, no. Just had a case of wandering mind." She grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her back on to the sofa.

"Ok. Fair enough. Wander anywhere interesting?" Olivia asked settling back down with a grin.

"Can I ask you a question?" Alex suddenly looked serious.

"Sure. Anything you want." Olivia turned towards her to give her full attention.

"Earlier, when you were relating about mourning someone, it wasn't your mother." Alex bit her bottom lip nervously.

"You're definitely drunk. There was no question in that sentence. You're a lawyer and you know questions." Olivia's eyes held the blue ones in front of her.

"Who then?" Alex posed her question barely above a whisper.

"Oh, that." Olivia exhaled forcefully. She thought over briefly whether to be honest. "That would have been you." Olivia's voice was a whisper as well.

"Wow." Alex breathed out slowly. "That's sweet." The blonde leaned up and brushed her lips against Olivia's.

"Yeah, and you're drunk. Let's get you tucked in here before you do something you'll regret in the harsh light of day." Olivia stood and hastily left the room. Her lips still tingled slightly from the light brush of Alex's soft lips. She shook off the memory and opened the linen closet.

When Liv returned with a pillow and some blankets, Alex was hugging her knees with tears streaming down her face. "I've got two blankets here. That should...Alex? Hey. I'm...I-I shouldn't have..." Olivia scratched her head.

Alex didn't say anything. There was nothing for her to say and she didn't trust her voice anyway.

Olivia closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She put the pillow and blankets on the coffee table and sat next to Alex. "C'mere, sweetheart. I'm so sorry…for everything. I shouldn't have said that." She held her arms open. Alex turned and threw her body on to Olivia's. Her body wracked with sobs. "Shhhh. It's ok. Just let it out."

Alex couldn't believe it, but she had no control over herself. She couldn't stop crying. Being in Olivia's arms should have made it better, but now she was sobbing even harder.

Olivia held the blonde close and let her cry it out. She rubbed small circles on her back and whispered to her softly. "It's gonna be fine, Alex. I'm here. I've gotcha. You're safe here. Shhhh."

The sound of Olivia's voice, laced with sincerity, concern and caring along with the gentle caresses on her back eventually lulled Alex in to a state of deep exhaustion induced sleep.

Once Olivia felt Alex's weight on her go limp and her breathing even out, she was able to easily lift her in to her arms and carry her to the bedroom. She settled her under the covers and tucked her in with a kiss on the forehead. "Sleep well, Alex."

Olivia arranged the sofa for herself and lay with her hands laced behind her head staring at the ceiling for a long time before sleep finally came.

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Olivia was startled awake some hours later by the panicked sound of her name being called out in to the darkness. Olivia shot up off the sofa and raced down the hall.

"Olivia! Liv!! Where are you?" Alex's voice seemed fearful.

"Alex! I'm here, sweetie. What's wrong?" Olivia hit the hall light to allow some light in to the bedroom without blinding them. She stood in the doorway.

"I-I didn't know where I was at first...then where you were. I was scared. Sorry to alarm you like that at..." she looked at the clock, "the crack of 4am."

"It's ok. I'm just glad you're alright."

"Alright is a relative term. Why am I in your bed and where were you?" Alex blinked against the light streaming in.

"Oh, I figured you'd sleep better in here. You were exhausted, so I put you to bed. I took the couch." Olivia ran her hand through her sleep tousled hair and glanced in the direction of the living room.

"You carried me in here?" Alex's voice was still rough with sleep.

"Yeah, you're light as a feather. It was no..."

"That's sweet." Alex blushed at the thought of being carried to bed by Olivia.

"Yeah, I'm a regular gumdrop. Now, go on back to sleep." Olivia turned and hit the light. "Night, Alex."

"Liv?" Alex's voice was low.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be alone. I, uh..."

"Ok, I can sleep in the side chair. It's comfy enough."

"No...um, not to sound like a clingy, needy, drama queen...but would you..."

Alex hadn't even finished the thought when Olivia climbed in beside her. "Any time, sweetheart. That's what friends are for."

Alex snuggled in to the warmth of Olivia's waiting arms. "Mmmm, friends. Right."

"Yes, friends. That's what you need right now. As of yesterday, you were in a relationship with someone else. I can't and won't take advantage of your vulnerability. Once this is all resolved, we'll see what's what. But for now, just sleep, ok?" When Olivia didn't get an answer she realized that at some point in her noble sermon, Alex fell back to sleep.

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	4. Chapter 4

**_Author's Note: Slight spoiler for Ghost. Any and all feedback is appreciated more than you know. Enjoy!_**

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Olivia woke up to the smell of..."Coffee?" She mumbled as the smell pervaded her senses and she slowly opened her eyes.

"Yes. I made you coffee. I figured you'd need to be getting up soon, so I poked around the kitchen. Hope you don't mind." Alex stood next to her with two mugs of hot coffee smiling.

"Gee. Someone made me coffee and brought it to me in bed. Wouldn't I need my head examined if I _did_ mind?" Olivia yawned and pulled herself in to a sitting position. "Did you sleep ok?"

"Yes, I did, considering I used the Olivia Benson body pillow." Alex grinned as a slight flush rose on Olivia's cheeks.

"Thanks." Olivia took the mug Alex handed her. She sipped it carefully. "Mmm, good." She noted the time. "I've got plenty of time. Thanks again."

"The least I could do, considering I fell asleep in the middle of a speech you were giving." Alex hopped up on the bed next to Olivia. "Care to revisit it?"

"Mmmhmm." Olivia nodded and pursed her lips. "Yeah, basically, I just don't think we should act in haste. You're vulnerable right now." Olivia inhaled the fragrant steam rising from the hot mug. "I don't want anyone to have any regrets." She took a small sip and felt the warm liquid slide down to her stomach.

Alex listened and nodded. "And...I'm still a suspect." She arched her eyebrows and sipped her coffee. "Right?"

Olivia scratched her eyebrow. "Well, technically, yeah. Which is why I have to find this Tanya and like yesterday." Olivia saw the disappointment flash in the intense blue eyes. "Hey, but that's not it. You were drunk...and we...we've...we'd have to discuss a lot of stuff before we jump even to the kissing portion of the program."

"I know. I know." Alex dropped her head in defeat.

"Alex, look, two days ago you thought someone else might be the _one_. And were it not for certain unfortunate circumstances, you and she would still be together." Olivia winced at what she had just said and bit the inside of her bottom lip. "I'm so sorry, but I can't take advantage of that."

Alex looked around the room as though the correct response might be written on the walls or ceiling or the throw rug. Then she met Olivia's gaze. Her brown eyes were the color of Alex's coffee and just as strong. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, but filled with emotion. "Marty could only ever have been the _one_ I settled for. _The_ one was a mistake I made long ago. I don't intend to make that same mistake again."

Both women just stared at each other, matching their breathing patterns which were steady and deep. "I see." Olivia finally said.

"A wise woman once told me, 'It's hard pretending to be something you're not.' So, when I left here the second time, I stopped pretending." Alex stared in to the reflection in her coffee cup. "I couldn't be Alex Cabot, but I didn't have to be Little Miss Perfect any more, either."

"So, you got in touch with your badder half?" Olivia smirked. She remembered telling Alex those words all those years ago when she returned to testify against Connor. "That wasn't _exactly_ what I was talking about."

"I didn't do anything dangerous, Liv. I just...let myself be myself. It was pretty freeing." Alex smiled a secret smile. "And every time I did something freeing, I thought of you."

Olivia tilted her head. She wasn't sure exactly what Alex meant or what she did to free herself. She wasn't sure she wanted to know. "Well, I'm glad I said something useful. I should start getting ready."

"Yes, and I should get out of your way." Alex stood up and reached for Olivia's empty mug.

"Yeah, about that..." Olivia cleared her throat. "If you don't want to stay at that hotel, you could stay here for a few days. Your place will be a wreck once CSU finishes and until you can get someone to come and clean up, it'll be days. And you shouldn't be alone right now, either."

Alex's expression went from shocked to surprised to warmly flattered by Olivia's generosity and caring. "I wouldn't want to impose."

"Well, let's see...you can be in charge of coffee and take out. That's the extent of the chores here, split 50/50. What do you say?" Olivia stood and walked over to Alex. "I'd worry about you too much if you stay anywhere else."

Alex reached out and gently cupped Olivia's cheek. "Do you ever stop serving and protecting the citizens of New York?"

Olivia smiled at Alex and flushed at the compliment and the gentle contact. "Nope. Especially not the blonde-haired, blue-eyed civil servants. Come on?"

Alex shook her head slightly and removed her hand from Olivia's face. "I guess. But maybe I could cook instead of order take out?"

"Cook? Sure, uh, I think I've got pots and pans someplace and the last I knew the stove worked." Olivia's smile widened. "So you'll stay, then?"

"Yes, I'll stay."

"Great." Olivia gave a small fist pump. "Make yourself at home. I really do need to catch a shower before work though."

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Olivia stood outside Club Onyx. She had asked Elliot to wait in the car. She had gotten the bartender's name from Munch and Fin and decided her best shot at finding Tanya would be to approach alone. Since Dani had told the other detectives about the fight, she must have had a birdseye/ear seat. Maybe there was more information she could share about their mystery woman.

Olivia knocked on the door and waited. A few minutes later, a young, tall, thin androgynous looking woman with short dark hair and dark eyes appeared with a white apron slung over the shoulder of her white t-shirt. Olivia held up her badge and mouthed "NYPD".

The young woman stuff the apron in the back pocket of her worn jeans, unlocked the door, opened it and stood in it blocking Olivia from entering. "How can I help you, doll?"

'Doll?' Olivia blinked and checked her temper at being called doll by a girl who could be her daughter. "I'm Detective Benson. My colleagues were here yesterday. They spoke with a Dani about Marty Talbot. I have a couple follow-up questions. May I come in?"

The young woman ran her hand through her closely cropped thick black hair. "Yeah, come on in. I'm Dani." Dani held out her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Dani." Olivia took the small but strong hand in her own and was shocked when Dani pulled her hand to her lips and kissed the back of it.

"The pleasure is all mine, Detective Benson." She winked and something dangerous yet captivating flashed in the deep black pools of her eyes. "How can I help?"

Olivia withdrew her hand quickly. "Uh, you mentioned overhearing a fight Marty had with her girlfriend. Do you know what it was about?" She pulled her pad and pen out and followed Dani to the bar.

"You want something to drink? Maybe a sparkling water or something?" Dani smiled a charming smile and moved behind the bar.

"Water would be nice, thanks." Olivia smiled back. There was a certain charm about the boyish young woman. She sat down on a bar stool and watched Dani work.

"Marty and that fine piece of tail of hers had it out over another woman." Dani skillfully filled a tall glass with ice, a slice of lime and a splash of cranberry juice. She flipped the button for soda water on the hose and filled the glass the rest of the way. "Trust me, sweetheart, this is what you'd rather drink than plain old water." She speared a cocktail cherry with a sword, dropped it in and pushed it towards Olivia.

"Thanks. Which other woman?" Olivia stirred the drink with the cherry and took a sip. It was actually really refreshing.

"That would be Tanya. You can't trust women, detective. They're sneaky. Marty's blonde piece was right to be pissed. If the two of them had a sofa underneath them instead of a dance floor, it wouldn't have been called dancing any more. You know what I mean, doll?" Dani wiped down the bar and dried some glasses while she spoke. "How'd I do with your drink?"

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "You were right, Dani. Better than plain water. So, they danced, the dance ended...then what?"

"Well, I was working, detective, so I wasn't transcripting the fight. Best I could say was that Marty thought three was company and blondie thought three was a crowd. Me, I'm a one-woman guy myself." Dani was leaning against the bar and coming awfully close to invading Olivia's personal space.

Olivia stood and backed up. "I see. What else can you tell me about Tanya?"

"Well, first you've got to sit back down. You make me nervous when you stand." Dani gestured to the bar stool and smiled a cocky smile.

"Ok. I'll sit if you back up. You make me nervous when you get in my face." Olivia was losing patience.

"Fair enough." Dani waited for Olivia to sit back down and she took a step back to lean against the counter. "What do I know about Tanya? She's fairly new here, blonde hair, dyed that way, hazel eyes, eh, 5'4" or so...not skinny but certainly not overweight. She's in to rich, older dykes. Her drink's vodka Collins. She's also a lousy tipper." Dani leered at Olivia from her position against the counter behind the bar. Her eyes were clearly not focusing on Liv's face, but points further south. "What else you want to know, doll?"

"Her last name and what the hell, a player like you must have gotten her phone number, right?" Olivia winked and grinned.

"You drive a hard bargain...but for those eyes and that body..." Dani smiled a lecherous smile, shook her head and licked her lips.

Olivia shifted and willed herself to remain calm. She didn't come this far with this little creep to leave without the golden nugget. "Flattery will get everywhere. But I doubt you have to use it often, Dani." She flirted back.

"You're smooth, detective. Her last name is Barker and her cell number is 555-4793. But she never answers it." Dani rubbed her palms together. "Anything else _I_ can do for you?"

"No, thank you. You've been a big help. Thanks for the drink." Olivia scribbled the last of the information on her pad and finished her drink in one gulp.

"Any time. If you swing by later, I'll make you a real drink." Dani winked. "Can you let yourself out? I've got to take a delivery out back any minute."

"Sure. Thanks." Olivia put away her pad and ducked out quickly.

"How'd it go, Liv?" Elliot asked when she got in the car.

"Pay day, my friend. _And_ you missed 20 minutes of me getting hit on by the twenty-two year old bartender." Liv buckled up for the ride back.

"Cash money, Liv. You know I'd pay cash money." Elliot grinned as he threw the car in to gear.

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"There it is, Liv. Mickey's Cafe. Do I have to stay in the car this time, or can I come in, Mom?" Elliot snarked parking the car.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and come on. We're losing time on the 'no-press' deadline and we need a suspect."

"Tanya Barker?" Elliot approached the petite blonde with the below average dye job.

"Yeah, I'm Tanya, what's it to you?" The waitress attached an order to the turntable and gave it a spin. "Order in, Nico!"

"We're Detectives Benson and Stabler. We need you to come on down to the station with us and answer a few questions." Olivia flashed her badge.

"I'm working here. What the hell is this about?" Tanya folded her arms stubbornly.

"I'm sure your boss will understand. It's about you and Marty Talbot. Trust me, sweetheart, you don't want to answer our questions in public." Olivia spoke quietly to the young blonde and gestured to the door.

"We can do this the easy or hard way, Tanya. You decide." Elliot pulled his suit coat aside to reveal his handcuffs.

"Ok, ok. You win." Tanya took off her apron and tossed it on the counter. "You're on your own, Nico. Gotta go with the cops."

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Olivia walked out of the interview room and looked at her captain and Dr. Huang. "This is getting silly, George. Give us something."

The psychiatrist crossed his arms. "Something's not adding up."

"Ya think?" Olivia spat.

"I don't think this is the perp...or she's an amazing actor. The sexual identity crisis that should be present...isn't. She was waitressing at a diner, traditionally a female role." The doctor thought for a moment. "Try this, Liv. Our perp identifies as a male. Pressing her buttons should be easy enough. Call her Miss or Ma'am...use as many feminine terms as you can think of...and have Elliot treat her like a lady...hold doors, pull out chairs...stand when she stands, etc."

Olivia took a deep breath. "Ok, but this is seriously going no place. This tart was just that. A tease for Marty and nothing more."

"Just try it. If she's acting or playing a part, we should see it fade...especially from you, Liv. She's going to need you to treat her like a man. She sees women as weak, flawed." The doctor turned back to the two-way glass and tapped the side of his face.

"Got it." Olivia ran her fingers through her chestnut locks and stretched her neck before going back in to the interrogation.

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	5. Chapter 5

**_Author's Note: Some minor clinical talk of trace evidence. As always, I appreciate all feedback. Enjoy!_**

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When Olivia came back through the door she was carrying two diet sodas. "Here you go, girlfriend. We women need to watch our figures, right?" She handed her a soda.

"Yeah, right. Thanks." The young woman popped the top and took a swig of the soda. "So, we gonna be all day about this or what?"

"Look, sweetie, we're not looking to jam you up. We just want to know a little bit more about Marty and then you'll be free to go." Olivia sat down daintily and crossed her legs. "Detective Stabler, would you mind excusing us for a second?"

"Sure. Girl talk. I wouldn't understand. I live with four females. Sometimes you girls speak another language entirely." Elliot stood and half-bowed. "Excuse me, ladies...I'll leave you to talk of brassieres and cramps." Then he winked at Tanya and walked out.

"Ok, so now it's just us girls, tell me about Marty." Olivia leaned in.

"What's to tell? She was hot, we danced, and her girlfriend got jealous. Story's over." Tanya chewed on her nail.

"Not quite, sweetheart. Someone ended Marty's story the other night, and not very happily. When was the last time you saw her?" Olivia tapped her knuckles on the table.

"The night of the fight, week or so ago at Onyx. Her girlfriend stormed out and we danced some more." She dropped her eyes and fidgeted nervously.

"The bartender says you're new there. What brought you to Onyx?"

"I'm new to the scene, ok? Women are supposed to treat each other better than men treat us...but it's just the same. I just got out of a bad relationship with a boyfriend. My cousin said I should hop the fence and see what it was like. Most women were sweet and treated me good...especially the ladies at Onyx. So that's where I'd hang out. Sometimes I'd get lucky."

"Get lucky how?" Olivia feigned ignorance.

"Win the lottery." She snorted sarcastically. "You're dumb for a cop. Get _laid_, honey. And on the nights I'd strike out, there was always that cute bartender." She twirled her blonde hair around her finger.

"Ah, Dani? You and she...would what?" Olivia sat back.

"Well, on the surface, Dani seems like she knows how to treat a lady...but she was a bit rough after a while. I'd had enough of that, so I stopped coming around, you know?"

"Yeah, we're getting a little off track, though. Tell me about Marty."

"Marty bought me a drink. We talked and she asked me to dance. She was some sort of senator or something. She danced real good and she kept talking. Then her girlfriend walks in and she asks if I think she's pretty. And she was. She suggested we might all leave together and I figured what the hell. Girlfriend was not all that excited about that plan though. They had it out. The tall blonde left and after that night, I never saw them again." She took a sip of her soda. "I left with Dani that night."

Outside the interview room Cragen and Huang watched in silence.

The doctor spoke first. "She's not our perp. She's way too...easy with her femininity. It's _just_ not her."

Elliot walked back in. "Just heard from Warner. There was rape, but with a silicone foreign object. She said it was a brutal attack to leave silicone traces. We got DNA that doesn't belong to the vic. Some saliva was found on breast tissue. We _are_ looking for a female, but no hits in the system."

"Ok, call Grayleck. Let's find out who was with her the night Ms. Talbot died." The captain folded his arms across his barrel chest. "We need a suspect...yesterday!"

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The detectives were at their desks running over the things they'd learned from the interview with Tanya with Dr. Huang.

"We're looking for someone young and androgynous. She's male identifying and most likely thinks of herself as a 'gentleman' and a 'lady's man'. She thinks women are weak, but she's better than them. She thinks she knows them and knows how to control them. The stronger the woman, the bigger the thrill to show them whose boss."

"That sounds like our bartender in a nutshell. She called me 'doll', even kissed my hand. I'm telling you she was creepy." Olivia laced her hands behind her neck.

"She probably thought she was wooing you old school. And she was probably charming in an off-putting way?" The psychiatrist stroked his chin.

"Yeah, definitely. Charming, flirtatious...even flattering. The creepy part was when she wouldn't look at my eyes. It was like she was scanning my body." Olivia got a full body shiver at the memory.

"Then let's go get her and bring her in for a sit down. See what she's got to say for herself." Elliot added tossing her pen on his desk exasperatedly.

"That won't work, I'm afraid, detective. If you just drag her in here by the scruff of the neck, she's not going to give you anything." George bobbed his head.

"And we've got no good reason to compel her to talk. Aside from some educated hunches, we can't tie her Talbot in any way aside from Onyx." ADA Grayleck was leaning against Olivia's desk.

"So, what can we do?" Captain Cragen was desperate for answers.

"She made a connection with Olivia." George smiled.

"I'll say." Olivia smirked.

"She thinks women are stupid and weak. As long as she thinks she's smarter, she'll believe she has the upper hand. If Olivia approaches her for help, she'll see that as a sign of weakness. She won't be able to resist. From there, you'll have to use your powers of persuasion to get her to come in and talk to you." George began to pace. "But don't be alone with her."

"Come on, George. She's my height and maybe a buck ten soaking wet. I'll also be armed." Olivia made a disgusted face.

"You said she got in your face and made you uncomfortable, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then she got to you. When she flips her switch from Casanova to Jack the Ripper, Liv...you might not be able to stop her, regardless of your training or any advantage of size or strength. Mentally, she'll be attacking like a six foot, two hundred pound man. You'd be surprised how empowering the mind can be." George wanted the detective to understand and to be cautious.

Elliot cleared his throat. "So, we make sure Liv's got back-up a heartbeat away. We can grab a couple ladies from vice."

The captain nodded. "I'll make the call."

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"Yeah, sorry. I'm going to be going sort of late." Olivia spoke in to her cell phone while digging through her locker for something club-worthy. "Long story short, I'll be at Onyx." Olivia listened for a few minutes. "You know I can't tell you that. Just make yourself at home." Olivia laughed. "Yes dear. Bye, Alex."

"Alex, huh?" Elliot was standing in the locker room door.

"Uh, yeah. She's staying at my place until she can get hers cleaned up." Olivia sifted idly through her clothing.

"Uh huh. So, you ok with this assignment? Could get dicey." Elliot rocked on his heels.

"Yeah, I can handle Casanovette. I just really want to close this one."

"I know you can and we all do. Let's just not lose sight of who our suspects are. Cabot probably didn't do this, but if your bartender doesn't pan out, she'll be compelled to give DNA." He rubbed his forehead with his fingers.

"Yeah, and Alex's DNA on her lover's breast would prove what exactly?" Olivia roughly grabbed a burgundy button down blouse and some black slacks.

"That Alex and her lover had been intimate. She never volunteered that."

"Why should she have to? They were lovers. We're supposed to fall over from shock that Alex Cabot would put her mouth on her lover's breast? C'mon, Elliot!" Liv slammed the locker door shut.

Elliot put up his hands. "I didn't mean to press your buttons. I'm only trying to keep perspective. If it weren't Alex, I think you'd be entertaining other theories of the crime. That's all I'm saying." Elliot turned on his heels and sauntered out.

"Fuck." Olivia whispered to the empty locker room.

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Olivia walked in to Onyx. It was busier than she expected but not too crowded considering it was a Wednesday night. She made visual contact with the two cops from vice and walked up to the bar.

"Detective Benson. What brings you back to Onyx so soon?" Dani scratched under her eye and smiled a cocky, thousand watt smile.

"Please call me Liv. I've not had the best day and you promised me a drink...so, here I am." Liv smiled weakly.

Dani had heard it all a thousand times. The women couldn't resist her. She'd planted a seed with the detective earlier and knew she'd come back to let her water it. She winked. "What's your pleasure, Liv? Lady's choice." She patted the bar.

Olivia obediently hopped up on a bar stool and ordered a vodka tonic. "Thanks, Dani."

"Anything for a beautiful lady. So, what can I do to bring the twinkle back in to those beautiful eyes aside from a vodka tonic, doll?" Dani went to work pouring the drink and garnished it with a slice of lime and a leering grin.

Olivia sighed deeply. "We're at a stand still in this case. I keep going over and over everything and coming up empty."

"Well, I'd be happy to help, if you've got any more questions for me. If you need my help, sweetheart, just say the word." Dani set her drink down in front of her and placed her hand on Liv's forearm.

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Twenty minutes later, Liv and Dani left Onyx for the precinct, arm in arm. "Thanks Dani. You're really sweet to come answer some more questions for me. My boss is really on my case. You know I've got to work twice as hard to be considered half as good."

"Right. I'm just glad I could help." Dani opened the door of the precinct for Olivia and ushered her in by placing her hand on the small of her back.

"Just wait in here, Dani. Can I get you anything?" Olivia smiled shyly.

"No thanks, doll. We'll need to make this quick." Dani smiled and Liv could feel her eyes on her ass as she walked out of the interrogation room.

"Ok, Doc, we got her here. Now, how do I make her confess?" Olivia stuffed her hands in her back pockets.

"Start by insulting her inadvertently. Say that you _know_ a woman committed the crime. That might trigger her in to an admission." The good doctor advised.

"Keep on your toes. We'll send Elliot in later to run some interference." The captained offered as Liv went back in.

"Ok, see. Here's some stuff I can show you. We know we're looking for a woman. The crime scene was pretty amateurish. The perp wasn't very strong, so we're looking for a weak female." Olivia pushed some pictures across the table. "What do you think? You know any stupid girls who had a grudge against Marty?"

"Girls? No. I'm sure it was a man. You're wrong." Dani bristled instantly.

"No, no. We know it was a woman for sure." Olivia bit her bottom lip, still trying to play the ditz. "What else can you tell me about, Marty, sweetheart?"

Dani's eyes widened. "Sweetheart? Look, doll, maybe I can't help you." She pushed the pictures away. "I'd say you're looking for a real man who hates women."

"A real man, huh? Like who?" Olivia had her on the ropes.

"I don't know. A man like..."

The door burst open and Elliot bumbled in. "Sorry I'm late, girls. Had to call my wife. The sink backed up and she didn't know what to do. Women!"

"Who you calling 'girl', mack?" Dani stood up so fast her chair fell over.

"Sorry. I live with four women. I should know better, _ladies_." Elliot smiled and went to pick up Dani's chair. "There you go."

"Thanks, man. I work with a lot of women, too. So I know what's it like. We've got to stick together." Dani's chest was heaving and nostrils were flaring.

"Easy, Dani. Elliot was just being polite." Olivia said demurely.

"Yeah." She clenched her jaw and sat down.

"It's ok. I understand. Must be your emotional time of month."

Before Elliot knew what hit him, Dani did. Her small frame flew across the table and connected with his jaw. "Shut your mouth. Don't you dare treat me like that! You've got no right. I'm stronger than you!!!"

Olivia grabbed her from behind and pinned her up against the wall. "Dani, sweetheart, that's assaulting a police officer. Tsk, tsk." Olivia pulled her back by the wrists. "Now sit down."

"You can't tell me what to do, doll." Dani spat.

"Sit your punk ass down, Dani. You got a mean right cross, but mine's meaner. Now SIT!" Elliot yelled rubbing his jaw.

"Fine. Fine." Dani breathed deeply to calm herself down.

Olivia took a deep breath and sat down next to Dani. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" She covered Dani's hand with hers...and Dani, needing desperately to feel macho again, took the bait.

"Nah, baby. You could never hurt me." Dani picked up Olivia's hand and placed a lingering kiss on the back of it.

"I'm going to get some water. You need anything?" Olivia pulled her hand back, as Dani shook her head, stood and left. As the door closed behind her, she met her captain's wide eyes.

"What the hell was that, Liv?" The captain asked with a shocked expression.

"It's our DNA evidence against Dani. Get Warner down here now to swab my hand." Olivia held her hand up like a surgeon preparing to glove after scrubbing in.

"Clever, Olivia." Dr. Huang smiled. "You got her played perfectly."

Kim Grayleck shook her head. "It was a tactic, but let's see them try to convince a jury you coerced her in to French kissing your hand."

"Well, yay me, but I'm not celebrating just yet. The other shoe has a way of dropping around here." Olivia walked out to wait at her desk.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Author's Note: As a special Saturday-daughter-was-sick-so-I-was-home bonus, I'm posting another chapter today. Feedback is always appreciated. Enjoy!_**

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Once the door closed, Elliot, still massaging his jaw, sat at the table with Dani. "So, you always bring home girls from the bar?"

Dani bobbed her head. "Like shooting fish in a barrel."

"I bet. Do you know that Tanya said you weren't very nice to her once you left the bar?" Elliot rocked on the back legs of his chair.

Dani laughed. "Yeah, she means I didn't call her the next day."

"Mmmhmm. Did you ever go home with Marty Talbot and forget to call her?" Elliot laced his fingers and cracked his knuckles.

"I don't know. Maybe. They all start to run together, you know?" Dani rubbed the back of her neck with her hand.

"I bet. Pretty girl like you. You must have to beat them off with sticks." Elliot grinned.

"I'm not pretty, but I do ok." Dani looked around the room. "Where'd Olivia go for that water? Perrier freaking France?"

"Don't worry, she'll be back. She likes you for some reason. Now, that time you went over to Marty's, what did you guys do?" Elliot smiled.

"We did what two consenting adults do. I don't kiss and tell, chief." Dani leaned back and laced her hands behind her head. "What do you and your wife do?"

Elliot moved his head from side to side. "Not much these days, I'm afraid. So, let me live vicariously. How does a scrawny kid like you seduce all these ladies?"

"Get Olivia back in here and I'll show you." Dani smirked.

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Dr. Warner capped the swab and bagged it. "I'll put a rush on it. We'll have something early tomorrow. Tell me again how the suspect's saliva wound up on the back of your hand?"

"Long story. Think we got DNA?" Olivia pushed her sleeve back down.

"It's likely. We'll all know tomorrow. You should go rest. You look tired." The medical examiner smiled at the detective.

"I will once we wrap up here. We'll book her tonight for assault and see what the dawn brings." Olivia hopped out of her chair and returned the doctor's smile.

"Good night, Olivia."

"Night." Olivia closed her eyes that had begun to burn a bit. Her stomach let her know it had been way too long since it had food. "One last round. Then I can."

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After a brief discussion with Dr. Huang and the ADA, Olivia switched gears and stormed back in to the interview room.

"Olivia. Good to see you again." Dani stood when she entered the room.

"Oh, sit down, princess." Olivia stomped over to Dani. "See, the thing about women like you is no matter how smart they think they are, there's always someone smarter."

Dani looked like Olivia had slapped her. "What?"

"Oh drop the Sir Knight act, 'doll'. You tell women what you think they want to hear and then, once you've oiled your way in to getting them alone, you go 1950's wife-beater on them." Olivia shook her head. "You don't have the first idea how to treat women."

"What the hell are you talking about, you stupid bitch!" Dani slammed both palms on the table, and stood, her nostrils flaring. "Women are lining up to be with me. I've got what they all want and I get all I want."

"And what's that? Being smacked around? Raped? Killed?" Olivia stood dangerously nose to nose with Dani. "I hadn't read the Cosmo Quiz on that one, sweetheart."

Dani growled viciously in her throat. "We're done, doll. I want my lawyer."

"That's right. You need a big, strong _man_ to protect you?" Olivia sneered.

"I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! BITCH!!!" Dani pulled back to slap Olivia, but Olivia grabbed her wrist.

"You don't want to add another count of assault to murder, rape and assault on a police officer, do you?"

"Murder? Rape? What the hell are you going on about?" Dani jerked her hand back and her eyes flashed rage as she snarled.

"Well, sweet cheeks, as soon as we get the results of the DNA from where you sucked on the back of my hand and called it a kiss, we'll be adding murder and rape to the list of things we're charging you with. But we're done til you're lawyer gets here." Olivia stayed in her face.

"You. You tricked me. That's...that's..." Dani seethed with rage now.

"That's out smarting you. You're just a dumb, weak girl, Dani." Olivia shoved her back in to her seat.

"WEAK?! DUMB?! That's not what Marty said."

"Sign this or we can't listen to another word." Elliot slid a waiver over to her.

"Fuck you." She grabbed the pen and scribbled her signature. "That bitch was _begging_ for me to seduce her and then _begging_ for mercy before it was over. Some smart councilwoman, huh?" Dani spat the words proudly.

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An hour later, the captain clapped Liv on the shoulder at her desk. "Good work. She's being processed for tonight. With everything you got in there, when the DNA comes back, ADA Grayleck will be your new best friend."

"Thanks, cap'n." Olivia finished her DD5 and rolled her neck. If she hurried, she could be home by 9:30pm tops. The phone on her desk rang. She steeled herself and took a deep breath before answering. "Benson, SVU."

It was Alex's concerned voice on the other end. She sighed with relief. "Yeah, I'm wrapping up right now. I don't know, half hour or so. Sure. See you then."

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Almost exactly a half an hour later, Olivia turned her key in her door. She could feel the tension in her shoulders and was looking forward to a cold beer and some down time. It was odd to see the faint blue glow of the TV coming from the living room. There was also a smell...a good smell. "Alex?"

"Hey, Liv." Alex walked in to the hall barefoot in blank yoga pants and a plain white t-shirt. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail. "Tough day?"

"You could say that." Liv chuckled wearily.

"Feel like sharing what you can?" Alex smiled warmly.

"I spent half the day playing damsel in distress to some twenty year old twinkie who kept calling me 'doll'. I just want to drink a beer and watch sports...like hockey or something to get the taste out of my mouth." Olivia closed her eyes. She had revealed too much to Alex.

"Oh. Ok. There's some baked chicken in the oven for you if you want. I'll go back to the living room so you can unwind." Alex turned and walked back the way she came.

Olivia growled under her breath. "There's a reason I live alone. I'm lousy company." She huffed off to the kitchen.

On her way, she absently discarded her belt and all of the accessories on it that went along with being a detective. She kicked off her shoes in the hall and untucked her shirts.

It smelled great in the kitchen. There were baked chicken and steamed veggies in a covered dish in the oven. Olivia tilted her head as she opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. She opened the bottle and took a long swig. She opened the oven door and reached in to grab her dinner.

"SHITouchsonofabitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!" Olivia shouted in pain and anger at having stupidly stuck her bare hand in a hot oven.

Alex came running in. "Liv? What happened?"

"Hand. FUCK! Ahhh, ahhh, ahhhh." Liv jumped up and down shaking her hand and continued her string of invectives.

"OK, ok. Let me see it." Alex tried to grab Liv's hand.

Liv pulled it to her chest. "No, it's fine."

"Liar. Give me your hand...or I'm calling 911." Alex held out her hand.

"Fine. Here." Liv's eyes had begun to water with pain.

"Come here." Alex led her to the sink and turned on the cold water. "This will make it feel better and clean it."

Olivia let Alex take her hand and drag her over to the sink. Alex was holding her hand under the cold water and it did make it feel better. It also was making her feel better that Alex was pressing herself in to her back while she was holding her hand. Olivia closed her eyes and tried to focus on her hand.

"How does that feel, Liv?" Alex's voice was quiet and soothing and inches from Olivia's ear.

"Uh, better. Thanks." Olivia shivered slightly at the blonde's breath tickling her ear.

"Ok, where's your first aid kit?" Alex turned off the water and wrapped a paper towel around Liv's now red and angry looking fingertips.

"Bathroom." Liv managed to squeak out.

"Stay here." Alex ordered.

Liv exhaled heavily and looked heavenward. "Great. I get to be treated like a damsel in distress at home, too."

Alex returned with some gauze bandages and burn cream and went to work on Liv's hand. "There. Good as new. Let me get your dinner out for you."

"I don't need you to baby me or wait on me hand and foot." Liv humpfed.

"I know and I'm not. Eat your dinner. I'll be in the other room." Alex placed her dinner on the table, grabbed the remaining first aid items and headed back out.

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"Hey." Olivia walked sheepishly in to the living room when she was done. "Dinner was great, thanks. Sorry I was an ass before."

Alex smiled up from the sofa where she was reading a book with her legs tucked underneath her. "No biggie. You should see me when I'm sick."

"Yeah, well. I'm just sorry. I just..." Olivia ran her fingers through her hair.

"You don't have to apologize or explain. I'm happy to do what I did. You're helping me, I helped you...it's all symbiotic, ok?" Alex tucked an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"I really didn't like playing the helpless woman today." Olivia looked at Alex openly.

"I know you didn't. It's because you're not." Alex smiled warmly.

"So, how was your day?" Olivia sat down on the other end of the sofa.

"Good. I was able to pick up a few things and arrange for a cleaning service, but not until Monday. I don't have to stay the whole time if you..."

"No. Stay. Please. Despite my tantrum, it was nice to have someone here." Olivia smiled for the first time in a while that day. Then she yawned.

"You must be beat. Go to bed." Alex suggested.

"I am tired, but we're sitting on my bed, remember?" Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"Oh. I just thought that, since we...last night..." Alex fumbled for words.

"Oh, ummm...I don't know if that's such a good idea tonight. I'm not feeling very cuddly. Actually feeling...oh hell, I don't know what I'm feeling." Olivia sighed.

Alex swallowed hard. "Ok. Whatever makes you the most comfortable. I'm the one imposing. Maybe it's not such a good idea for me to stay here."

"Alex. No." Olivia buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"What, Liv?" Alex scooted over to Liv on the sofa, put her arm around her and rubbed her shoulder gently.

"Stop, Alex! I don't want to be comforted. I don't want gentle or nice right now." Olivia shrugged roughly out of Alex's grasp.

"Ok, then," Alex looked Liv in the eye, "what do you want exactly, Olivia?"

Something inside Olivia broke when she saw the look in Alex's eyes. The look said she wanted to give to her...something, anything to help. Liv growled and leaned forward to close the gap between them. "This." She pressed her lips roughly to Alex's.

Alex stiffened at the roughness but then relaxed when she felt the passion behind the kiss. She let her hands snake around Olivia's waist and rub her lower back.

Olivia was driven by some unseen force. Her kiss was bruising on the blonde's now red and swollen lips. She cupped her hand behind Alex's neck and flexed her fingers. She pulled Alex's mouth against hers harder and deepened the kiss.

When Alex felt the press of Olivia's tongue on her sensitive lips, she parted them willingly and moaned. Olivia's tongue moved strongly against her own and when she felt Olivia's other hand slide under her t-shirt, she gave a small squeal.

The sound seemed to snap Olivia out of whatever spell she was under. "Wow. God." She pulled back panting. "Alex. I-I-I'm so sorry." She brought her hand to her mouth, eyes wide in disbelief and paled visibly. She suddenly felt more than a little faint and dropped her head between her legs. "Shit."

Alex was too flustered by the extremely passionate kiss to respond right away. She kept one hand on Olivia's back and tried to gather her wits about her. Being kissed so suddenly and roughly and passionately by Olivia Benson had her searching for her senses and for words. "Liv." It was the only word her brain and mouth could produce.

Olivia spoke, but her voice was muffled. "I am so sorry. I had no right. I don't know _where_ that came from." Olivia's head shot up as though she'd been hit between the eyes with an anvil and she grabbed her stomach. "Actually, yes I do...and I think...I'm..." She dashed down the hall.

Alex sat stunned and unsure what was happening when she heard Olivia retching down the hall. "God. Liv." Alex took to her feet, ran down the hall and stood in the open door of the bathroom. "Are you ok?"

"Ygh, I...no idea. Just, aw..." another wave of nausea turned Liv's stomach and she retched again in to the toilet bowl. Liv rested her head on the cold porcelain, tears and sweat staining her cheeks.

Alex slowly approached Olivia. She grabbed a washcloth from the rack, wetted it and handed it to Olivia. "Here, sweetie."

"Don't. How can you even be near me after...after... Garhh..." Liv gave one last retch but her stomach was empty.

"Just take this. Please." Alex held the washcloth out and when Liv didn't take it again, she knelt beside her and held it to her forehead. "What's wrong, Liv?"

Liv turned from Alex. "Please don't. Don't be nice to me after..." Liv's voice broke... "…after what I did to you."

"What you did to...Oh God, Liv. No. No, no." Alex grabbed Liv by the shoulders and turned her. "No, you don't." Alex wiped Liv's mouth and held her flushed, clammy face in her hands. "You listen to me, Olivia. You didn't do anything wrong. It was unexpected, but not unwelcome. You certainly didn't do anything I didn't want you to do."

Olivia coughed in to the washcloth. Her voice was raspy. "Yes, I did. I-I-I forced myself on..."

Alex stopped Olivia's rant with her lips. Softly she kissed Olivia on the lips. "Shut up and listen. No, you didn't." Alex softly pressed her lips over Liv's flushed and sweaty face. "Stop it. Just stop beating yourself up and making yourself sick. Do you hear me?"

Olivia couldn't believe what she was seeing, hearing or feeling. She had attacked Alex. _Her_ Alex. Beautiful, sweet, long forgotten and unattainable Alex. She'd never forgive herself for channeling her inner monster at a time like this. The thought made her stomach tighten again. Suddenly, she became aware that Alex was holding her face. Then she felt lips...softly brushing her forehead, her cheeks, her chin. "What?" Olivia croaked out hoarsely.

"You didn't." Alex whispered realizing Liv was finally listening. "You didn't force yourself on me."

Olivia's head, stomach and heart all ached. She felt entirely drained. She blinked her eyes and swallowed as more tears fell. "Does that make things better or worse?"

Alex pulled Olivia to her feet and steadied her. "I'm not sure I know."

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	7. Chapter 7

**_Author's Note: The song and lyrics to _Collide_ belong to Howie Day and the good folks at Epic Records. Snaps to Howie, my fellow Mainer, for putting this song in my head and hatching the meat of this story. No infringement, harm or foul intended and certainly no profit being made. As always, feedback of any kind is love. Enjoy!_**

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Alex was sitting on Olivia's bed staring at the same page of her book that she had been for the last twenty minutes.

"Hey." Olivia stood in the doorway. Her hair was still wet from her shower and she wore gray boxers and a black tank top.

Alex closed her book and looked up. "Hey. How do you feel?"

Olivia shrugged. "That's a loaded question, isn't it?"

"I didn't mean for it to be. I don't know what to say to make you feel better about what happened." Alex folded her hands in her lap and sighed.

Olivia closed her eyes. "That's not what I wanted our first kiss to be like."

"Well, as kisses go, Liv, there was nothing wrong with it. I have to admit, it is a blow to a girl's ego when the woman who kissed you runs out of the room to vomit." Alex hoped her joke would make Olivia more at ease.

"Well, I guess I've been reading the wrong books on seduction, huh?" Olivia smiled a small smile that just turned up the corners of her mouth.

"Guess so." Alex held Olivia's eyes for a moment. "There's no way to undo what happened. I'm not going to pretend that it didn't. So, we might as well deal with it, Liv."

"Ugh." Liv dropped her head in defeat. Meeting her feelings head on was not her strong suit.

"Where would you feel most comfortable having this conversation?" Alex took off her glasses and placed them on the nightstand.

"Uh, let's see. A few years ago in that hotel...no, wait...after the Avery case...no, no...how about after Cavanaugh case? That'd be about right." Olivia still spoke to the floor.

"Ok, I'll rephrase. Barring time travel, in which room of this apartment would you feel most comfortable having this conversation?" Alex gave a prosecutorial nod that Olivia was familiar with.

"I guess the living room." Olivia looked up. Pools of sparkling glacier blue were staring at her with amusement and affection.

"Living room it is, then." Alex got up and walked over to Olivia. She smiled and held out her hand. "Come on."

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Olivia awoke the next morning as the sun shone through her living room window. She squinted her eyes against the brightness as she slowly became aware of her surroundings. There was warmth next to her and pleasant weight resting on her chest. She smiled remembering how they had come to find themselves in the position in which they currently were entwined.

After a very heavy conversation about the past and many tears surrounding an uncertain future, neither woman wanted to be alone. After a debate about the bed and who should sleep where, Olivia simply lay down on the sofa and snarled, "Wake me when the jury comes back." Alex had laughed and simply insinuated herself on the sofa next to Olivia.

"Alex." Olivia whispered. Her arm was pinned under the sleeping blonde.

"Mmmm, few more minutes." Alex mumbled.

"Sweetie, you can stay here all day if you want, but my arm and I need to get to work." To emphasize her point she tried to pull her arm out.

"Oh. Sorry." Alex lifted her body so Olivia could pull her arm out.

"No problem. You could move to the bed, too if you want." Olivia stood over Alex's sleeping form and sighed. She really was a beautiful woman. The silky blonde hair was strewn haphazardly over the pillow and the porcelain skin of one bare arm and shoulder was visible from underneath the blanket. Olivia swallowed hard.

"Not moving. Sleeping." Alex rolled away from Olivia.

They had decided that while they both still harbored feelings for each other, they'd keep a professional distance until the case was over. Once things had resolved with the case and Alex had a chance to heal from her loss, they'd revisit the possibilities. If they both still felt the same, they'd proceed with caution.

Olivia padded to the kitchen to put on coffee and make herself some oatmeal. She rubbed some sleep out of her eyes, and then ducked in to the bathroom.

By the time she dressed, ate and was ready to go, Alex was deep asleep again. She paused in the living room and walked over to her. "Have a good day, Alex." She brushed a kiss against the sleeping woman's forehead causing her to stir slightly.

"Bye, Marty." She mumbled.

Olivia's eyes went wide as she was hit hard with the reality that the case that awaited her at the precinct was to solve the rape/homicide of Alex's lover. She took a deep breath.

It was finally cool enough for her leather coat and she slipped it on and headed out.

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As Olivia sat in traffic with nothing but the radio, her coffee and her thoughts, she listened to the song that was playing more intently.

_(Collide by Howie Day)"The dawn is breaking. A light shining through. You're barely waking and I'm tangled up in you. Yeah."_ Olivia began to drum along on the steering wheel. _"I'm open. You're closed. Where I'll follow, you'll go. I worry I won't see your face light up again."_ Olivia let her mind drift.

_"Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills my mind. I somehow find you and I collide."_ She saw a montage of history in her mind. Alex perched on her desk, a cup of coffee in her hand. Alex in her office working, blazer off, glasses on and pouring over paperwork. Alex making a grown man cry on the witness stand. Alex convincing a young man to testify against his abuser during a Grand Jury hearing. Olivia smiled.

The song played on. _"I'm quiet you know. You make a first impression. I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind. Even the best fall down sometimes. __Even the stars refuse to shine. Out of the back you fall in time. I somehow find __you and I collide."_

More images flashed through Olivia's mind. Alex's face, tired and gaunt as she and Elliot entered the Cavanaugh residence to conduct a search for which there was no warrant. Alex watching Cheryl Avery wheeled to surgery after a brutal attack.

_"Don't stop here. I lost my place. I'm close behind. Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills your mind, you finally find you and I collide."_

Olivia rubbed at her face and again images from her and Alex's past filled her mind. She could feel all the old feelings again, just as real...just as raw. Alex on the ground, blood pouring out of her wound. She felt the knot of anguish in her stomach and the wave of utter despair upon learning Alex hadn't lived through surgery. Confusion, anger and helplessness washed over her as again she stood in the rain watching a black Suburban carry Alex away from New York, away from her...away, forever. She blinked back tears.

_"You finally find you and I collide. You finally find you and I collide."_The final image staring her in the face was Alex Cabot, standing in Novak's office smiling at them, at her. The warmth that crawled across her chest at seeing those blue eyes smiling at her again was palpable still.

The blaring of a horn behind her snapped her back. A few minutes later, she pulled in to the station parking lot. 'Snap the hell out of it, Benson. You've got work to do. Daydream later.'

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ADA Grayleck was already in Cragen's office when Olivia knocked on the door. "Any word from Warner on our DNA yet?"

"Nothing yet, but any second now." The captain gestured her in. "We've got a warrant for her apartment. If we could secure a murder weapon and, for lack of a better word, the weapon of rape, I'd feel a lot less indigestion."

"Great. We'll head over as soon as everyone gets here." Olivia bobbed her head.

"Dani has her lawyer...Morty Berger. Pro bono." Kim folded her arms.

"Great. Media circus. That's all we need." Liv scuffed the floor with her boot.

"Well, evidence doesn't lie. And we have her confession. That's got to count for something." The captain added optimistically.

"True, but I understand Morty can be quite the ring master." The ADA pursed her lips and crossed her arms.

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"Benson." Olivia answered her cell phone. "You are my favorite medical examiner in the whole world. Thanks. I'll let them know." Olivia was looking through drawers in Dani's bedroom with Munch.

"Good news from our favorite lady in a lab coat?" Munch mumbled holding up a pair of boxer shorts.

"Yup. DNA's a match. Let's find our weapons and tie this one up with a bow." Olivia went back to searching.

"Dani and I have the same taste in undergarments." Munch added.

"I did not need to know that." Olivia shook her head.

"Jackpot! Munch, Liv, get in here." Elliot shouted from the living room.

Detective Fin Tutuola was tenatively holding a large phallus in his hand and had a disgusted look on his face.

"Yikes." Was all Olivia could muster with eyebrows raised.

"Bag it and get it to the lab. I'm sure someone must have a gallon-sized bag some place." Munch quipped.

Fin shook his head. "Any sign of that knife?"

"Nope. Where was _that_, by the way?" Olivia asked.

"In a box under the sofa with a couple S&M magazines and a few other..._things_." Elliot wrinkled his nose.

"We've bagged every knife we could find. Couple probables, but we'll have to get 'em to the lab to be sure." O'Hallaran announced entering the room in his CSU uniform. His eyes landed on the object in Fin's gloved hand. "Oh. I'll go get a big bag for that." And as easily as he entered the room, he left.

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When Olivia arrived back at the station, she stretched her neck from side to side and sat down to her paperwork. She caught movement out of the corner of her eye.

"Hi Liv." Alex said quietly.

"Alex. Hey. What brings you by?" Olivia put down her pen and yawned.

Alex shrugged. "Have you had lunch yet?"

Olivia grinned. "No, but I've got a pile of paperwork."

"Oh, of course. Sure. I just thought maybe..." Alex tried not to look too pathetic.

"Is everything ok?" Olivia was suddenly concerned as she put together Alex's expression and body language.

Alex just looked at her. She knew that if she spoke, she'd lose it. Her eyes were glassy and her emotions were way too on the surface.

Olivia stood up and led Alex by the elbow to a vacant interrogation room. "Come on. We can talk in here for a minute." Olivia closed the door behind them.

Alex still hadn't spoken and was hugging herself tightly.

"Alex, sweetie, what's happening?" Olivia walked over and placed a hand on her forearm. "Talk to me."

Alex looked as though she might shatter in to a hundred pieces any second. "Uh, Marty's sister...called." Alex blinked several times and swallowed hard. "I'm, uh..." she took a shaky breath, "not welcome at the funeral."

"Oh my God. Alex, I'm so, so sorry. That's horrible." Olivia pulled the now shaking woman in to her arms. "I don't even know what to say."

Alex rested her forehead on Olivia's shoulder. "Me neither."

"Is there anything I can do?" Olivia asked softly.

"This works." Alex's voice was muffled by Olivia's shoulder.

"Did she say why?"

"Marty's mother wants it to be a Catholic service. I think Marty was 12 the last time she set foot inside a church of any flavor." Alex finally let a few tears slide out of her eyes. "I wish I didn't care, but I won't make her funeral a circus. She doesn't deserve that."

Olivia's mind was racing trying to figure a way to make this right. "Alex, can you give me a minute? I need to make a couple phone calls."

Alex nodded and pulled back.

"I'll be right back."

When Liv returned a few minutes later, she found Alex sitting in a chair staring at the blank wall. "Hey. I think I have good news."

Alex looked up and attempted a smile, but still looked pained. "What?"

"I made a couple calls. If you want it, I've arranged for you to get a chance to say good-bye before the body's released to the family." Olivia stuffed her hands in her pockets. "You can go over any time after 10am tomorrow."

"You what?" Alex's eyes were wide and wet with emotion. "How?"

Olivia smiled, realizing she'd done well. "I called in a couple favors with the ME's office. Also, your name is still good around here, Alex."

Alex stood and was in Olivia's arms before Olivia could react. "Thank you." She squeezed the detective expressing her gratitude.

"No thanks are necessary. You have every right to pay your respects and say good-bye. You were a part of her life and if I know you, you were a good part of it, if not the best thing in it." Olivia splayed her hands across Alex's back and returned the hug.

"You are one of the best human beings I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, Olivia." Alex gave her another squeeze. "But I'm keeping you from your paperwork. Did you want me to go get you something for lunch?" She stepped back from the embrace and smiled gratefully.

"You know, you weren't really much of a hugger before." Olivia grinned.

"Yeah, well, I learned the hard way that you need to show the people you care about just how much you care. And to express that regularly." Alex said with a shrug.

"Gotta love those hard lessons. I think we're sending out for Chinese at some point. Everyone's pretty shackled to their desks and we're waiting for breaking news from CSU." Olivia looked happy with herself.

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	8. Chapter 8

**_Author's note: As always, I appreciate any and all feedback. With that said, I'll get out of your way and let you read. Enjoy!_**

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"We've got our murder weapon and the weapon of sexual assault, both with complete sets of finger prints belonging to Dani. We just talked to O'Hallaran." Stabler and Benson announced upon entering the squad room.

"Sounds like Christmas. Good work, detectives." The captain spoke with pride. His squad had their moments. They were all human and thusly flawed, but together, they truly were the best he could ask for. He nodded his head in agreement with himself.

"Hey, Dad, since we done good, that mean we can go home early?" Fin laughed only half joking.

"If you get your homework finished, sure." The captained turned and headed for the sanctity of his office.

"Who's catching this weekend?" Elliot asked.

"That would be myself and the distinguished Detective Odafin Tutuola." John Munch smiled at his partner.

"Man, I hope the sexual predators take a damn weekend off. I could use a little down time." Fin lowered his head back to his paperwork.

Kim Grayleck rode in to the squad room on her now infamous high horse. "Grand Jury indicted Dani Murdock on sex abuse 1, aggravated assault and murder 2 based on her confession. Now it's for a jury to decide. With the new evidence, I might be able to bump the charge to rape 2. Either way, Dani should be looking at an uncomfortable stay as a guest of the state for no less than 25 years for the murder and another 8 to 12 for the rape."

"Sounds good to me, but if she gets paroled in 25 years...she's still old enough to do some damage." Olivia found a way to rain on the ADA's parade.

"We'll just have to make sure parole isn't an option, won't we?" Kim's smile was smug. "Anyone want to join me for a drink to celebrate?"

"Depends, counselor. You buying the first round?" Elliot asked with a grin.

"Sure. Where do you guys like to go?"

"Mulligan's is our usual haunt." Munch answered. "And I've never refused an offer of a drink in the company of a lovely lady."

"Yeah, and that's one of the reasons you got _ex_wives. Fair warning, counselor." Fin snarked.

"Olivia, looks like everyone's in. How about you?" The new ADA looked at Olivia with a friendly smile.

Olivia tried to return the smile. "Yeah, sure. I could handle one drink with you motley crew."

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Olivia drained her beer. "As much as I would love to stick around and make you guys feel better about your dart skills, I'm gonna bounce." Olivia grabbed her coat from the back of her chair.

"Have a good weekend, Liv." Elliot called from his position sneezing and coughing while Munch attempted to throw darts.

"Later, Liv." Fin called smirking at his partner's lack of skill at darts.

"Thanks for coming, Olivia." ADA Grayleck smiled.

"Yeah, thanks for buying. See ya Monday." Olivia gave them all one last wave and exited in to the bite of evening air. She got out her cell phone and checked it out of habit. It showed three missed calls. All were from Alex. "Shit."

Alex picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, Alex. It's Liv. What's up?" Olivia said as she headed for her car.

"Oh, uh, I guess you can tell I've been trying to reach you, huh?" Alex felt ridiculously clingy and needy and she hated it.

Olivia smiled. "Yeah. Cell phones are like that. Where are you?"

"Trying not to go to places that remind me of her." Alex sighed.

"Ok, and where does that put you in a more geographic sense?"

"Ummm, very near the 1-6. Where are you?" Alex asked.

"Just left Mulligan's. You hungry?"

"No. Not really." Alex mumbled.

"Well, why don't you meet me at the 1-6 and we can talk about it some more, ok?" Olivia figured she was just upset by everything.

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Olivia pulled up to the curb and rolled down the window. "Hey, Alex."

"Hi." Alex's face was drawn and her eyes just looked sad and empty.

"How long have you been wandering around the city?"

Alex got in and buckled up. She shrugged slightly. "I don't know exactly. I just started thinking about saying good-bye tomorrow and..." The glacier blue eyes were wet with unshed tears.

"It's ok, Alex. Why don't we just go home?" Olivia patted her knee comfortingly. "We can order something or whatever."

Alex tried to smile and nodded. "Sure."

"If it's any consolation, sweetie, we got an indictment on Dani. If all goes well, she'll be collecting Social Security if she ever gets out." Olivia pulled back out in to traffic.

"That's great." Alex stared out the window.

Olivia decided that maybe Alex just needed to be left to her own thoughts for a while. They drove in silence back to Olivia's place.

"Alex?" Olivia whispered once they had been parked for a couple minutes and the blonde had made no move to get out of the car.

"Yes?" Alex said without looking at her or even turning her head.

"We're here."

"Oh." Alex got out of the car and stood with her arms hanging at her side.

"Come on." Olivia placed her hand on Alex's elbow and guided her up the stairs and inside her apartment.

Once inside, Olivia went to change out of her work clothes. When she came back, she was wearing NYPD sweats head to toe and gray wool socks. Alex was still standing in the hall. "Alex, sweetie...what can I do?"

"I don't know. I feel numb. Tomorrow I have to say good-bye to Marty forever and I can't feel anything. I shut down shortly after lunch. I don't understand." Alex hugged herself and slumped against the wall.

"You're grieving, Alex. I know the process sucks, but you're working your way through it. Eventually, you'll come to terms with it." Olivia ran her fingers through her hair and offered a conciliatory smile. "Hungry or thirsty?"

"Not really. I guess I could try a drink."

"You could try. How about some tea? I think I've got some ginger ale in the pantry?" Olivia absently untied and tied the drawstring on her sweatpants.

"Tea, I guess." Alex sighed.

"Do you want to take a shower or a bath? That might help. I don't usually take baths, but I think I have some bath salts Elliot's kids gave me for Christmas one year." Olivia saw the pain on Alex's face. She knew it well and wanted to make it better for her friend. 'Friend? Girl friend? Potential love interest?' Olivia shook her head in an effort to clear those thoughts.

"Yeah, a bath does sound nice. I could try that, too." Alex unwrapped her arms from around herself.

"Great. I'll get you some towels and try to scare up those bath salts." Olivia marched down the hall on a mission.

"Olivia?" Alex called after her.

"Yeah, Alex? What do you need?"

"Thank you...for everything." The gratitude she was feeling shone in her face. Alex's blue eyes sparkled in the dim light of the apartment.

"You're welcome. I'm happy to be able to help."

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While Alex bathed, Olivia made herself a BLT. It was her new favorite creation. God bless whoever thought of microwave bacon! Han at the market was happy to see her begin to buy tomatoes more than one at time.

Olivia stood back to look at her creation. 'Heaven on a plate.' Whole wheat bread, mayo, crisp lettuce, and two slices of giant beefsteak tomato with four slices of crispy bacon. Olivia rubbed her palms together as she walked over to the stove and put the water on for tea. Alex should be out any minute now. She then swung by the fridge and opened a bottle of Newcastle Brown for herself. She took a deep breath as she grabbed a knife and sliced the sandwich in to two triangles.

Olivia was bringing her sandwich and beer in to the living room to watch TV while she ate when she heard Alex enter. "You look like a new woman." Olivia smiled.

"I feel like a new woman. So, what have you got there?" Alex gestured towards the sandwich as they both walked in to the living room.

"This, this, Alexandra Cabot, is sandwich nirvana. Behold, the perfect BLT." Olivia presented the sandwich with a grand gesture.

Alex cocked her head to the side. "You're putting a lot of stock in that sandwich, Olivia." Alex inhaled deeply and the smell made her stomach rumble. "Care to put your sandwich where my mouth is?"

Olivia tilted her head. "Is that lawyer for 'May I have a bite of your sandwich?'"

"Nope, it's Cabot for 'May I have half of your sandwich please.'" Alex batted her eyes in mock flirtation.

"Nuh uh. First you mock the BLT, then you beg for half. I don't know." Olivia would play back as long it appeared that Alex was enjoying the exchange.

"But I'm hungry now and that smells really good." Alex half whined, half pouted.

"Ugh. Pouting and whining is not an attractive side of you, Cabot." Olivia groaned as she grabbed half her sandwich, placed it on her napkin and handed it to Alex.

"Not my fault you're a softie." Alex took the sandwich. "Thanks."

"Mmmhmmm." Olivia said around the first bite of her sandwich. As she savored it, the teakettle began to whistle. "Be right back."

Olivia came back with a mug of steaming liquid and handed it to Alex. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. What happened to your sandwich?" Olivia asked when she saw no trace other than the crumbled napkin in Alex's lap.

"Uh, I ate it." Alex said wrapping her hands around the warm mug.

Olivia's eyes widened. "Wow. That was fast." She sat back down. "Did you like it?" 'Did you even taste it?' Liv thought with a grin.

Alex nodded vigorously. "It was the best BLT ever."

"Well," Liv took a deep breath, "I'm glad you liked it and that you're feeling better." She smiled at Alex who was smiling back. "That's way better."

Alex flushed a little under Olivia's implication that she liked her smile. "Liv, can I ask you something that I probably have no right to ask?"

Olivia swallowed and nodded. "Sure. Anything. Shoot."

"Would you...I don't want...I don't think I can...it's going to be so hard..." Alex fumbled and finally took a sip of her tea. She winced against the hot liquid.

"Easy, Alex. Just ask me." She placed her hand over Alex's and squeezed. "What?"

Alex closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Olivia's hands merely touching hers were causing emotions so totally in conflict with what she was concurrently feeling about her ex-girlfriend, well, dead girlfriend. "Would you come with me tomorrow...to say good-bye to Marty? I-I can't do it alone."

Olivia waited for Alex to open her eyes. She wanted to be sure Alex could see that she was ok with this. "Sure. I'll go with you. Whatever you need, Alex. Anything you need."

"What I need, is for you not to touch me." Alex had the words out quickly, and then bit her bottom lip, at once sorry for allowing the words to slip out.

Olivia looked as though Alex had slapped her. "Oh." She pulled her hand away from Alex's and looked down.

"Wait. Liv. It's confusing for me right now. I still feel so much loss for Marty and earlier I was so lost without her. Then," Alex closed her eyes. She knew if she didn't just spit it out quickly, she never would, "when I'm with you, I'm different. Everything's different. I feel better, even happy. And when you touch me, even an innocent, comforting touch, Liv, I feel things I shouldn't for another woman so close on the heels of my lover's brutal murder. It makes me feel like...I'm betraying her and that's just not me."

Olivia folded her hands in her lap. Her warm brown eyes blinked. "I'm sorry, Alex. I was just trying to help."

"You are. God, Liv, you are." Alex swallowed and selected her next words carefully. "I wish this were happening at any other time. I know last night we talked about being professional and being friends for a time. But, so help me, your hands, even just on me to console and comfort, make me feel very unprofessional things and way more than friendship for you. And _no way_ can we kiss anymore."

Olivia blinked and slowly processed the information Alex hand just given her. She gulped when she realized she had been pretty touchy, feely with Alex. And then a warm feeling spread inside her when she realized why. After what felt like an eternity, Olivia nodded. "Ok. I understand. I'll keep my hands to myself."

"How can you understand when I'm not even certain I do?" Alex asked.

"I mean I understand what you're asking and I can respect that. Is that better?"

Alex nodded. There was no man or woman on the planet more understanding. Alex felt herself begin to well up. "God, I hate being an emotional wreck. Catatonic one minute, weepy the next, flirty sandwich stealer the next. Gah..." She buried her face in her hands.

"Eh, I sorta like flirty sandwich stealer, believe it or not." Olivia smiled widely and resisted the urge to pat Alex's thigh.

"Yeah, she's my favorite, too." Alex smiled back.

"Wanna watch a movie or something?" Olivia asked with an arched eyebrow. "I think I've got a box of microwave popcorn in there." She hitched a thumb in the direction of the kitchen.

"Sure. What have you got that doesn't star Charles Bronson or Chuck Norris?"

"Hah, Cabot! Shows what you know about my movie proclivities. What are you in the mood for...drama, comedy, action, epic or foreign film?" Olivia ran through most of the categories.

"Foreign films?"

"Yes, foreign films...subtitles and all." Olivia now smirked. "Didn't see that coming, did you?"

"No, and I wish you'd look less smug over it. Let's see what we have for comedies. I think I need something light." Alex stood with Olivia and walked over to the entertainment center.

"We've got complete collections of Monty Python and Mel Brooks..." Olivia bent down to get a better view of her DVD collections.

"I've never seen any of the Monty Python stuff. It's supposed to be funny, right?"

"It's beyond funny. It's comic genius." Olivia's eyes shone at the prospect of introducing Alex to this genre of films. "Ah, my Python virgin, have a seat and prepare to be indoctrinated." She waggled her eyebrows at the blonde.

------------------------------------------

Two movies and a bag of popcorn later, Alex stretched and yawned. "That was really funny. I just hope I don't have nightmares of giant killer bunnies."

"Nah. If you do, just call for the Knights That Say 'Ni'!" Olivia teased. "You should turn in. You had a big day."

"Yeah, about that..." Alex worried her bottom lip.

Olivia cut her off. "I'm pulling couch duty tonight, Alex. There is no way I can sleep next to you and hold you without...without, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Alex's eyes dropped and she whispered. "I know it's wrong, but, umm, I'm going to miss you."

The words went right through Olivia and tugged at her heart. "Oh, sweetheart. I'll miss you, too and I don't think it's wrong."

"Yes it is. It's wrong to long to sleep in the arms of another woman mere days after your lover's death." Alex looked ashamed of herself.

"Cut it out, Alex. You're human and you need comfort. So sue you!" Olivia scooted across the sofa. "Damn the consequences, I'm at least giving you a hug."

Before Alex could respond she was wrapped in strong arms and held tightly. She closed her eyes and relaxed in to the warmth and strength surrounding her. She took a deep breath and inhaled the musky scent of Olivia Benson.

Olivia pulled back. "Go get some sleep."

Alex reluctantly moved out of Olivia's arms and stood. "Thanks, Liv. Good night."

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	9. Chapter 9

**_Author's Note: This is a shorter chapter, but necessary. We'll get back to the case at hand soon. As always, any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. Enjoy!_**

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The next morning, Olivia was up first and put on the coffee. She decided on a rare morning jog. Alex was up when she came back. Olivia found her seated at the kitchen table.

"How was your run?" Alex asked looking over the bridge of her black-rimmed glasses from the newspaper she was reading.

"Refreshing. I never run in the summer, so it's been a while. But this weather is perfect for it." Olivia mopped some sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. "Do you still run?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, on a treadmill though. I shudder to think what it will be like when I get back in to some semblance of routine." Alex sipped her coffee. "Thanks for putting the coffee on."

"My pleasure. Did you want breakfast?" Olivia took off the hooded sweatshirt she was wearing, grabbed a towel out of a bag in the hall and hung it around her neck.

"I'm not feeling very hungry. What are you having?" Alex took a moment to regard the woman in front of her. Olivia now wore a sweat-stained white tank top and her sweatpants...both of which clung delightfully to the older women's curves. She scolded herself internally for ogling her hostess.

"My usual. Oatmeal and juice. I'm happy to make some for you if you want." Olivia slugged down the remaining water in her water bottle and tossed it in the sink.

"Sure. I suppose." Alex smiled.

Olivia smiled back and nodded. "It'll be ready in a jiffy. Raisins, apples and cinnamon ok with you?"

Alex laughed. "Wow. You're quite the oatmeal chef. That's fine."

Olivia busied about the kitchen cutting an apple and rummaging for raisins and cinnamon. As she worked, her brow furrowed in deep concentration.

Alex watched in utter amusement. The brooding detective was so serious about her oatmeal. She had an overwhelming urge to walk up behind Olivia, wrap her arms around her waist and kiss the sweat-soaked skin on the back of her neck. She could almost taste the salt on her tongue. Alex exhaled forcefully. She needed to put some space between herself and the brunette. Living together was _not_ conducive to keeping things professional and friendly.

When her creation was finished, Olivia turned and sat both bowls down on the table. "OJ work for you?" Olivia rubbed her palms together like she had just finished a complicated science experiment.

"Sure." Alex's smile widened.

"More coffee, while I'm in the neighborhood?" Olivia studied Alex's face but couldn't quite make out what she saw there.

"Why not? You know, it's going to be hard going back to fending for myself if you keep this up." Alex thought about going back to her apartment. Her _empty_ apartment. The apartment where Marty had died...no, not died, been _killed_.

When Olivia came back with juice and the coffee pot, she saw something akin to dread on the blonde's pale face. "Alex? You ok, sweetie?"

Alex sighed softly. "Just thinking about going back to the apartment. That's going to be...hard."

"I'm sure it will be, but you're one of the strongest women I know." She wanted to do or say something to reassure her, but knew nothing would. "Here. Eat up while it's hot. Tastes better that way." Olivia handed Alex a spoon.

--------------------------------

Shortly after 10am, Olivia pulled her car in to the parking lot outside the morgue. "You ready, Alex?"

Alex was anything but ready. She had put on black slacks and a black blouse...but it seemed too somber. She traded the black blouse for a sky blue sweater and wore her hair down like Marty liked it. "As ready as I'll ever be." She sighed.

A few moments later, they stood at the door of a viewing room. Dr. Warner had told Olivia it was ok to go in when they were ready and that they could have as much time as they needed.

Alex squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm not sure this was a good idea any more."

"Hey. Just take your time, Alex. Trust me when I say you'll be glad for the closure later." Olivia placed a hand on her shoulder and then immediately pulled it back. "Sorry."

"No." Alex said and reached out for Olivia's hand. She entwined their fingers and took a deep breath, "I need you to get through this. Please?"

Olivia nodded and gave Alex's hand a squeeze. "Of course."

Alex reached for the door and opened it slowly. Melinda had done a great job. She obviously was no mortician, but all things considered, Marty looked all right. She actually...she looked like she was sleeping. The corners of Alex's mouth turned up briefly as she thought how like Marty it would be to jump up and ask why she was so glum and didn't she want to go dancing.

Olivia took a couple steps in to the room with Alex, but suddenly felt as though she was intruding on something very private. She let go of Alex's hand and Alex approached the body of her lover.

The small smile on Alex's face didn't last. The reality of it hit her hard and fast. Her face fell as she realized she'd gazed in to the hazel eyes for the very last time. Had she even fully appreciated them? She hadn't. They'd kissed good-bye quickly that morning, murmured the usual pleasantries of farewell and gone about their day. She approached the gurney slowly. She reached out her hand and lightly traced the lips she'd never kiss again. The skin was cold and hard and felt like paper. Tears flowed down her cheeks. "God, Marty." She swallowed hard. She took a ragged breath. "I miss you. I should have been better to you. You deserved better." Alex licked tears from her upper lip. "You were good for me, Marty Talbot. You might not have been the great love of my life, but you taught me a lot. I'll always be grateful for that. I'll never forget you. Ever."

Olivia felt herself choke up at the emotion of her friend's final words to her lover. A sharp pain shot through Olivia's heart at the mention of Marty not being the great love of her life.

"You'll be up-state after today. I'll visit when I can. Be at peace, baby. Your life was a good one. You did more good in your 44 years on earth than most do in a lifetime. You lived each day to it's fullest. You weren't perfect though. But you embraced your imperfections." Alex stopped to sniff and wipe her eyes. "No one will ever say you weren't true to yourself." With one last, deep breath, she placed her hand over her lover's heart. "Good bye, Martha Talbot. Thank you for sharing your life with me." Alex turned and walked towards Olivia. About half way there, her legs started to give out.

Olivia was by her side in two quick steps. "Easy there. I've got you, Alex." Olivia held Alex up as she was overcome with sobs.

Alex collapsed against Olivia lost in the emotion of it all for several minutes. "That was even harder than I thought." Alex said weakly when her voice finally returned to her.

"Yeah, but it beats the alternative. Trust me." Olivia was stroking her hair and rubbing her back gently. "You ok to go?"

Alex nodded against Liv's shoulder. "Yeah. It's time to go." Alex pulled back and stood up. She brushed herself off and pulled herself to her full height. She held out a hand to Olivia.

Olivia looked at Alex with a wistful smile. She took the pale hand in hers and remarked at the contrast in their skin tone. Olivia's darker olive complexion made Alex's look even paler. "Ok."

The two women walked out of the morgue hand in hand in silence.

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They sat in Olivia's car for what seemed like an eternity. Olivia finally spoke. "What do you want to do now, Alex?"

Alex was wiping her face with a tissue and sniffed. "I honestly do not have any idea." She sucked in her upper lip. She looked down and then back up at Olivia. "What did you do after my...funeral?"

Olivia swallowed hard and nodded. "I, uh, went to Mulroney's and got stupid-blind drunk. I don't recommend that." She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel.

"What did you do before that? When you really thought I was dead?" Alex's blue eyes were still wet with tears and rimmed in red. The porcelain complexion of her face was marred with red blotches from crying.

Olivia tilted her head to the side and sighed softly as she remembered. "I walked."

"Where?" Alex whispered.

"Everywhere and nowhere. I figured if I just kept moving, I could stay ahead of the pain." Olivia closed her eyes as her throat tightened at the memory. "Didn't work either. I sat in your office and cried. There was a coat and sweater on your coat rack...they smelled like you." Olivia's eyes filled with tears. "I shouldn't be telling you this."

"But I want to know, Olivia. I know we weren't ever more than colleagues in fact, but knowing how you dealt with my death...it might help me. Please, Liv?" The pleading tone in Alex's voice was matched by the look in her normally cool eyes.

Olivia lowered her eyes. "I took the sweater home with me. I've got it in a box in my closet still. I went to Franco's where we would sometimes have coffee. I ordered your favorite sandwich at Lena's Deli and brought white lilies to the spot where you were shot." Olivia's tears were streaming down her face now. "It was hell and I hated it. I can't imagine what you're going through, Alex."

Alex nodded. She was crying again, too. She cried for her dead lover and she cried for what she had put Olivia through those many years ago. "I'm so sorry for that."

"Don't. It's not your fault. You did all you could." Olivia wiped her tears with her fingers and shrugged off Alex's offer of a tissue. "What would you like to do?"

Alex sat in deep thought for several minutes. Then she went to get out of the car. "Come with me, Olivia?"

Olivia arched an eyebrow. "Where?"

Alex took a deep breath. "You'll see. It's important that you come with me. Please?" She opened the door and got out.

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An hour later the two women sat on a bench in Central Park, near the zoo. They had bought sandwiches from Marty's favorite deli and Alex was telling Olivia all about how she and Marty met. It was cathartic to relive the start of their relationship right where it began.

"I had brought my lunch and some paperwork to review when a rogue gust of wind blew several papers away. I was cursing and chasing papers, when Marty sauntered over and started helping. Next thing you know, I'm laughing instead of cursing and I've got plans for dinner later. I hardly knew what hit me." Alex tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear as a gust of wind came up. "I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about her."

"I'm sorry I didn't get to know her. Anyone who can make your face light up like that has to be alright." Olivia sipped her soda.

"I think you'd have really liked her, Liv." Alex looked heavenward. "I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster the past week, but I get this really strange feeling that Marty would approve of you, of us...of whatever." She gestured back and forth between them. "She'd want me to move on. She was one of those 'everything happens for a reason' people." The corners of her mouth turned up.

"That's really great. Told you you would get some closure if you did this." Olivia patted her leg. "So, you gonna hog the sandwiches or are we going to eat our picnic lunch?" Olivia grinned.

Alex nodded and laughed. "Lunch, definitely." Alex opened the bag and handed Liv her sandwich. "I know I keep saying this, but I really mean it. Thank you."

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	10. Chapter 10

**_Author's Note: This chapter deals with the case, so some clinical discussion will occur. As always, I appreciate your feedback. Enjoy!_**

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The trial was proceeding quickly, with Morty Berger showboating and attempting to throw wrenches in the prosecution's case. During the course of the trial both Alex and Olivia were called as witnesses.

Alex and Olivia sat waiting to be called. "How you holding up?" Liv asked with a gentle smiling handing Alex a styrofoam cup of tea.

"Wanting this to be over with. It's so different in there on the witness stand. I hate it." Alex grabbed the cup and brushed Olivia's fingers with hers. The contact was short but electric.

"Ok, you'll both likely be called after this recess. Everybody ready?" ADA Grayleck spoke from the door.

Olivia nodded but doubted the question was for her.

"Yes."

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"And your clinical impression of Dani, Dr. Huang?" Morty Berger asked.

"Acute sexual identity disorder."

"And, as Ms. Barker stated, she was prone to violent rages. Is that consistent with your impression?" Berger paced in front of the stand.

Huang nodded. "It can be, yes."

"Any opinions on what might cause a rage?"

"In this case it would be anything that made her feel remotely feminine. A word, a phrase...even a response to an action."

"It seems as though Dani would then have a hair trigger, correct?" Berger folded his hands.

"Possibly, yes. But there are other times when she is calm, cool and collected." Dr. Huang kept his tone professional and even.

"Could one of these rages turn deadly?" Berger suggested from the defense table.

"Of course." The doctor answered.

"Would she be in control of her actions at that point?"

"Objection, your honor." ADA Grayleck stood.

The judge raised her eyebrow.

"Calls for soothsaying on the part of Dr. Huang."

"Sustained. Rephrase counselor." Judge Donnelly cleared her throat.

"Could she have lost control of herself?" Berger rephrased with a gesture.

Dr. Huang pursed his lips in consideration. "Possibly."

"No further questions." Morty Berger sat down.

"Redirect, your honor?" Kim stood up at the judge's nod and approached Dr. Huang. "Doctor, if you went to the bodega down the street and purchased a lottery ticket this afternoon, might you win the jackpot?" She tilted her head smugly.

The good doctor smiled. "Possibly."

"No further questions."

"Thank you, Dr. Huang, you may step down."

"The people call Alexandra Cabot"

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"And upon finding the body, Ms. Cabot what did you do?" The ADA stood in front of the witness as though they were casually chatting.

"I was stunned...frightened initially and disbelieving. Once I regained my senses, I called 911." Alex sat with perfect posture and spoke directly to the ADA.

"Thank you. Your witness, counselor."

"Ms. Cabot, you say you had a six month relationship with Ms. Talbot, correct?" Morty approached Alex.

"Yes."

"And the relationship was sexual in nature?" The season attorney rocked on his heels in front of the witness.

Alex sighed. 'Where is this going?' "Yes."

"And to your knowledge, Ms. Talbot was faithful?"

"Yes." She was having trouble keeping her annoyance out of her voice.

"Were you happy together?"

"Yes." Alex was struggling internally for self-control.

"Would you consider yourself sexually compatible with Ms. Talbot?"

"I beg your pardon?" Alex was angry now.

"Objection! Where can this lead, your honor?" The ADA stood with a flourish, brow furrowed and hands stretched out.

"I'm curious on that point as well. Mr. Berger?" The judge regarded the defense attorney with concern.

"Your honor, if I may get a moment's indulgence, I'll make my point." He ran a hand through his silver hair and smiled.

"You get _one_ moment. Overruled, for now. You may answer, Ms. Cabot." The judge stroked her chin.

Alex took a deep breath. "Yes, we were."

"But, Ms. Barker testified that a big fight you had with Ms. Talbot was about a difference of a sexual nature." Berger raised his gray bushy brows.

"No, that was about whether or not I wanted to bring a strange woman in to our bed. Big difference." Alex shifted in her seat.

"I see. So, if she had approached you with a woman known to you both, you might have consented to what Ms. Talbot had in mind?" The gray eyebrows lifted again in question.

"I couldn't say as those were not the circumstances I was presented with." Alex folded her hands in her lap and stared the defense attorney down.

"Thank you, Ms. Cabot."

Grayleck stood immediately. "Redirect."

The judge nodded with a scratch of her head.

The ADA approached the witness stand. "Ms. Cabot during the course of your _monogamous_ six month relationship with Martha Talbot, did you ever dine out?"

Alex raised both eyebrows. "Yes."

"Would you consider your tastes in food 'compatible'?" Grayleck crossed the room.

"Yes."

"Did you ever have trouble deciding on a restaurant?" The ADA leaned against the jury box.

"No." Alex shook her head.

"Did you and Ms. Talbot ever order the same thing while dining out?" The ADA spoke to the jury.

"Uh, not that I can recall, no." Alex was at a loss for where they were going and hoped the new ADA had a plan.

Grayleck nodded. "So, you'd enjoy the same restaurant, but different entrées?"

"Yes." Alex's eyes widened as it dawned on her.

"So, just because you'd have chicken and she'd have steak didn't mean you couldn't both dine together, correct?"

"Correct." Alex said with a single nod.

"No further questions." Kim Grayleck prepared to call her next witness.

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Olivia had answered all the routine questions from the ADA with her usual professionalism. Her experience as a witness and ability to exude competence and confidence were almost unmatched.

"Your witness, Mr. Berger." Kim Grayleck returned to her seat at the prosecution table.

Olivia took a deep breath and looked at Dani. Dani was leering at her from the defense table.

"Detective Benson, during the course of your investigation, you had a list of suspects, correct?" Morty Berger addressed her from his seat.

"Yes."

"Can you tell us how many people were on this _vast_ list?" Berger stood next to the defense table.

"The list had three people on it prior to Dani Murdock. Alexandra Cabot, Reverend Jeremiah Austin and Tanya Barker." Olivia sat with her hands folded and her back straight.

"Alexandra Cabot? How interesting. Can you elaborate on why she was more than a person of interest?" Morty questioned her as he slowly approached.

"Ms. Cabot discovered the body in her home. She was considered a suspect until we verified her alibi and then forensics eliminated her completely." The detective's hands were still folded and resting on the rail of the witness stand.

"I see. And would you describe the nature of your relationship with Ms. Cabot?" Berger sidled up to Olivia.

"She was the Assistant District Attorney for my squad for a number of years, so I had been professionally acquainted with Ms. Cabot and considered her a friend during that time." Olivia was nonplussed by the question.

Morty nodded. "And now?"

"Until the night of Councilwoman Talbot's _grisly_ murder, I hadn't seen Ms. Cabot in several years. We became reacquainted over the course of the investigation." Olivia sat back and opened her body language to Morty and the jury.

"And you and your squad never thought that it might be a conflict of interest?" He raised his voice slightly as he turned toward the jury.

"Never. That is not the way the NYPD operates. If anything, we are more diligent in investigating our own to make sure we retain a higher standard." Olivia smiled confidently.

Morty bobbed his head and scratched his cheek. "Is this 'higher standard' also why Ms. Cabot stayed at your apartment while she was still considered a suspect?"

'What the fuck?' Olivia cleared her throat and blinked. Then she raised an eyebrow. "Yes, actually."

Now it was Berger's turn to raise his eyebrows and stare wide-eyed at the detective for several moments with his mouth open.

ADA Grayleck stood. "Does counsel have a question or is he going to regale us with his guppy imitation all morning?"

"You'll check your sarcasm, Ms. Grayleck, no matter how appropriate." Judge Donnelly tilted her head. "Mr. Berger?"

"Ah, nothing further, your honor." Morty walked dejectedly back to his table.

Olivia waited to see if Grayleck would redirect. She did not and was dismissed.

----------------------------

"Hey." Alex was waiting outside. "How'd it go?"

"Eh, the prosecution's ahead by a mile." Olivia joined Alex on the bench. "Maybe one more day and then it's in the hands of the jury, unless Berger comes to his senses and pleads her out."

Alex nodded.

"How is it going being home again?"

"It'll never be _home_ again. I've contacted the landlord to change apartments." Alex shrugged.

"That's probably a good idea. Well, I've got to get back. Call me if you need anything, ok?" Olivia smiled at Alex.

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Morty Berger stood and approached the witness. "Dani, according to the testimony of Dr. Warner, Ms. Talbot's death was brutal and intended to inflict the most pain. You admitted your crimes to Detective Benson. Can you explain what happened?"

Dani's eyes were cloudy and wild as she recounted the events of that night. "Marty wanted a special surprise for her girl's anniversary, so she _asked_ me over to, uh, help them celebrate, you know?"

"Objection! I don't believe anyone here 'knows' what Miss Murdock is talking about, your honor." The ADA's brow furrowed.

Dani's nostrils flared.

"Sustained. Miss Murdock you'll elaborate." Judge Donnelly scratched her forehead.

"Stop it! Stop calling me Miss, doll. And you," she smiled seductively at Kim Grayleck, "you should call me Dani."

The gavel banged loudly. "This is MY courtroom, Miss Murdock, not a club. Mr. Berger instruct your client on proper courtroom etiquette or you'll both find yourselves in contempt." The judge seethed on the bench.

Dani nodded her head, rolled her shoulders and took a deep breath. "Sorry, your honor and Miss Grayleck." Her leering eyes defied her apology. "I showed up at her place and she showed me what she had planned. Her girlfriend was running late. So, we decided to warm up a little before the little woman got home." She cracked her knuckles one at a time.

Morty cleared his throat. "So, at this point things were consensual?"

"Hell yeah. But, then, then she had to go and ruin it." Her breathing became heavy and beads of sweat formed on her upper lip. "She kept calling me 'sweetie' and 'princess'…I, my head just snapped. The next thing I remember…I was covered in blood standing over her dead body."

"Nothing further. Your witness."

Grayleck walked over to the witness. "_Miss_ Murdock, you say you snapped. What did you do? You were standing over a dead body covered in blood."

"I, uh, I ran out of there. I didn't know what to do." Dani shifted in her seat.

"Ah, you ran. You ran like a _scared little girl_, didn't you?" The ADA tilted her head and stepped back as she watched Dani's face change.

Dani rose to her feet, her face beet red, veins in her forehead pulsed and she screamed. "I DID NOT YOU STUPID BITCH! I REMEMBER ALL OF IT!!! SHE HAD IT ALL COMING AND SO DO YOU!" She lunged at the ADA about the time the bailiff got to her. "ARROGANT BITCHES!!!!"

"Order! Order!" Judge Donnelly shouted from the bench as the scene unfolded.

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	11. Chapter 11

_**Author's Note: We are starting to wrap things up with this one. I appreciate any all feedback more than you know. Enjoy!**_

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Dani had again gone ballistic on the stand when the ADA refused to stop calling her "Miss Murdock". The jury had seen the outburst and her fate was sealed. Berger attempted to use it to show his client's mental instability and thus prove not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect...but it was clear no one on the jury was buying what he was selling.

Kim Grayleck perched on Olivia's desk and she wished she could figure out a way to ask her not to do that anymore. "She pled out to rape and murder 2. She'll be behind bars the rest of her life."

"Nice work. Not many can put the fear of God in to Morty Berger." Olivia leaned back in her chair.

"I thought you might like to be the one to tell Ms. Cabot." The ADA smiled knowingly.

"Yeah. I'll give her a call. Thanks." Olivia scratched under her chin.

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Over the course of the next few weeks, Alex and Olivia had managed to get together for coffee a couple times, one lunch and one impromptu dinner. Alex was getting back in to her routine and getting used to her new place. Their friendship was cementing itself nicely. More often though, they'd talk on the phone. One or the other was usually canceling plans due to work.

It was a Tuesday night and the squad had just wrapped up another long and grueling case. Olivia yawned and stretched at her desk. She blinked her tired eyes and checked her watch. The time was about quarter past eight. She hesitated, and then picked up the phone.

"Hi Liv." The voice that greeted her sounded tired, but happy to hear from her.

"Hi Alex. Figured I'd catch you still at the office." Olivia smiled.

"Yeah, well, you're calling from the precinct, no?" Alex took off her glasses and relaxed back in her chair. "Oh no...we didn't have a...were we supposed to?"

"No, no. If you'd have stood me up, I'd have made a personal appearance." Olivia chuckled.

Alex could practically see Olivia's smirk through the phone.

Elliot walked over to his desk, huffed, grabbed his car keys and headed back out. "Tell the little woman I said hello."

Olivia tossed a pen at his back and laughed. "Elliot says hello by the way."

"Good old Elliot. So, what's on your mind, detective?" Alex adopted a more flirty tone than usual.

"You, counselor." Liv flirted back, spurred on by Alex's tone. "Would you like to grab something to eat with me?"

Alex closed her eyes against the double entendres racing through her mind. Their efforts to take things slow were starting to drive her crazy. She swallowed hard. "That sounds nice. Will you pick me up or do you want to meet somewhere?"

"I'll pick you up. How long do you need?" Olivia wore a wide grin now that she knew she'd be seeing her girlfriend soon. 'Girlfriend? Yes, Liv. Girlfriend.'

"I can wrap it up quickly here. Come on over when you're ready." Alex smiled, too. 'Having someone to talk to at the end of a hard day sure is nice.'

"Ok. See you soon. Bye, sweetie."

Alex sighed as she moved papers around her desk. She had come a long way in the grieving process over Marty. She could get through most days just fine. More importantly, she was feeling less and less guilty about her feelings for Liv.

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As dinner was winding down, Alex observed the woman sitting across from her. Starting at the top, she loved her hair. She hadn't touched it much, but when she did it was remarkably soft. Her forehead was practically a slate where Olivia wrote her emotions. She could convey deep thought with a crinkled brow, frustration with a furrow and amusement with an arch of one brow. And those eyes...deep pools of rich brown chocolate in which she could swim for hours. Alex sighed deeply.

"Alex? What's the weather like?" Olivia grinned around the rim of her wine glass.

"Huh? Weather? What?" Alex blinked in surprise.

"You seemed a million miles away and I was just hoping you went someplace warm." The grin morphed in to a smirk.

"Oh, uh, sorry." Alex blushed. 'There goes the eyebrow.'

Olivia arched one sculpted eyebrow and leaned in. "Ok, I won't push it, but looked like you were having fun."

Alex smiled shyly. "I was just admiring your face."

Now it was Olivia's turn to flush at the compliment. "Oh. Thanks." Liv shifted a little in her seat.

"Surely you can't be a stranger to being admired." Now Alex smirked.

"Uh, I guess not. But they're usually drunk or in cuffs." Olivia waved it off.

Alex decided it was time to attempt the next level of their relationship. "Olivia?

"Hmm?" Olivia looked across the table and held the sparkling pools of glacier blue.

"Come to the symphony with me on Saturday night?" Alex bit her bottom lip slightly in anticipation. "If you're available, we could make a night of it."

Olivia's smile slowly crept across her face. "You mean like an honest-to-God date?"

"That's what I mean, yes. Would you like to go out with me Saturday night?" Alex leaned in and covered Olivia's hand with hers.

"I'll have to check my social calendar and get back to you." Olivia quirked an eyebrow again, clearly teasing the blonde attorney.

"Well, if you aren't available, I could always check with Trevor..." Alex could give as good as she got.

Olivia's eyes narrowed and she growled deep in her throat. "Over my dead and decomposing body."

Alex took the tip of one slender finger and traced patterns softly over the back of Olivia's hand. Olivia turned her hand over subconsciously and allowed Alex to give the same gentle teasing to her palm. "So, what are you going to do about it?" Alex never broke their gaze and loved watching the brown eyes widen and dilate.

Olivia shivered at the contact and her breath hitched. "I would love to accompany you to the symphony on Saturday night, if you'll let me take you to dinner before." She was surprised how soft and low her voice was. 'God, Alex. What you do to me.' She tried to even her breath.

"Sounds like a date to me, Liv." Alex's touch had turned firmer on her palm and was now more of a massage.

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After dinner, Liv drove Alex home. They'd shared kisses before at the end of their other faux dates. Most were fairly innocent pecks. But the kiss Alex gave her in the car before she got out and disappeared in to her apartment building tonight left Liv breathless.

She was awake that night staring at her ceiling and remembered the soft lips pressed against hers. She closed her eyes and could almost feel the blonde getting more adventurous as she deepened the kiss with a swipe of her tongue across Liv's sensitive lips. Olivia had tangled one hand in the strands of blonde hair, fine as corn silk, and rested the other on Alex's hip, flexing her fingers.

Alex, however, got more daring with her hands and let her fingers dance up Olivia's side and rest gently over the swell of flesh under her leather jacket where her breasts were. Alex's other hand rested on her thigh just above her knee.

Olivia inhaled deeply at the memory. The kiss had left her completely undone. When Alex broke the kiss, she rested her forehead against hers and breathed, "Good night, Liv," in to her ear causing her to shiver and moan softly.

She shook her head recalling the smug look on Alex's face as she pulled away. Olivia exhaled forcefully, rolled over and smiled widely. 'Good night, indeed.'

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Olivia slowed down her pace as she approached Alex's door. She couldn't put her finger on why she was as nervous as she was. With each step, her palms got sweatier and she could feel her heart beating faster. She blew her bangs out of her face. 'It's not really our first date. We've gone out before. Why am I acting like I'm a fifteen year old boy?'

"What is my problem?" Liv cursed herself out loud. She twirled the single long stem red rose she had brought for Alex. She hoped Alex didn't think it was over-the-top romantic, but she wanted their first official date to be special.

Olivia straightened out her long black wool coat. Underneath was her basic black dress. It was simple, yet sophisticated...or at least that's what the sales guy told her. She needed something for the occasional night on the town...or stakeout at the symphony. She thought it fit well and was comfortable enough.

Finally, she was at Alex's door with no excuse not to knock. She took a deep breath, swallowed hard and knocked on the door.

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Alex was rushing around inside putting the finishing touches on her hair and lightly applying makeup when Liv buzzed. She buzzed her in and grabbed her string of pearls to accent her off the shoulder black dress. She had a burgundy shawl that she wore with it, but that was in the bedroom.

She was sliding in to her black pumps when she heard the light knock on her door.

Alex opened the door and smiled. "Hi Liv. Come in, I'm almost ready."

Olivia stood in the doorway, unable to move...unable to speak. The vision that greeted her when the door opened was not one she was prepared for. Alex wore a snug fitting black dress that showed off her pale skin and slender build perfectly. Her hair was done up in some sort of fancy twist that Olivia figured there was a word for but damned if she knew it. It put on display the porcelain flesh of her neck and shoulders. Liv's mouth went dry.

Olivia blinked and tried to swallow against the dryness. "I, uh...you..." Her voice broke and croaked and she blushed deep red in embarrassment at the feelings seeing Alex was stirring up. She took a breath and tried again. "You...look...ah..."

Alex's smile was turning in to a smirk as she watched Olivia struggle for words. She found it adorable and let her continue for a bit.

"Wow, Alex..." Olivia finally managed. "You look amazing." 'Hey, look, there are my language skills. Now if I could only convince my body to move.'

"Thank you. You look great, too. But then again, you always do." Alex's smile was sincere and sweet.

"Thanks." Olivia swallowed hard again. She tried to flex and unflex her hands and was reminded of the rose she still held. She flushed a little more and handed the long stem red rose to Alex. "Here. This is for you."

Now Alex blushed as she grabbed the rose and Olivia's hand and pulled her inside. She took the rose and smelled it. "Thank you." She placed it on the side table.

"You're welcome. Our reservation is at six, so there's no need to rush if you've still got things you need to do." Olivia took off her coat and hung it on the rack. Her dress had a scoop neckline that showed off her broad shoulders and ample chest. The delicate gold chain around her neck finished the look.

"Come here, Liv." Alex waited for Liv to walk over to her.

"What's up?" Olivia smiled from ear to ear as she stood in front of Alex. The slightly taller woman just looked amazing. Her eyes sparkled. The simple strand of pearls around her neck and the matching earrings were the perfect accessories.

"There is one very important thing I have to do before we leave." Alex closed the distance between them and placed her arms around Olivia's neck.

"Hi." Olivia said softly, placing her hands on Alex's slender hips.

"Hi." Alex brought their faces together and gave Liv a couple quick Eskimo kisses before bringing their lips together for a short, sweet, yet thorough kiss.

Olivia pulled back with a series of small pecks. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Alex smiled, the slightly spicy taste of Olivia lingering on her tongue.

"Make me feel like I've never been properly kissed before?" Olivia smirked.

Alex grinned and swayed them side to side slightly. "Ummm, sorry?"

"Don't be. I'm not." Olivia leaned her head in to give Alex one more deep kiss before pulling back breathless. "I will _never_ get tired of that."

"Yeah, but we have symphony tickets and a dinner reservation."

Olivia growled. "Yes, we do. But this is more fun." She squeezed Alex's waist.

"No argument there. But we've got an official date to go on." Alex was rubbing Olivia's neck with her thumbs.

"Ok, but..." Olivia rolled her neck against the massage, "but if you don't cut that out..."

Alex pressed her forehead against Liv's. "Let's get out of here. We've got all night, ok?"

Liv licked her lips and nodded slowly. "Right. Date. Dinner. Symphony. Going." If Alex had just implied what Olivia thought she implied, it shut down all her higher brain function. The blood necessary for that was rushing elsewhere.

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	12. Chapter 12

**_Author's note: I apologize for not getting this posted yesterday. An ice storm left most of Maine without power most of yesterday. I'm all powered up now and ready to go. Only one more chapter after this one. As always, your feedback of any kind is most appreciated._**

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Once outside, Olivia helped Alex get in to the car she had the doorman call for them. She got in next to her. Alex grabbed Olivia's hand and laced their fingers.

"I'm really looking forward to the symphony. I haven't been since, well since that case with the cellist. I used to go with my Mom once in a while." Olivia squeezed Alex's hand.

"Me too. They are featuring the works of Vivaldi. Do you like him?"

"The Four Seasons? What's not to love?" Olivia smiled. She just couldn't help it. Being this close to Alex without the pretense and formality just made her extremely happy. And when Alex returned her smile, it made her feel warm inside.

"Where are we going for dinner?" Alex slid a little closer to Olivia. She could smell the faint scent of perfume mixed with hair product and that distinct hint of musk that was Olivia.

"La Cucina Restaurante. It's right near the symphony hall. Munch highly recommended it."

"Munch, huh? Does he know who you're taking to dinner there?" Alex played absently with the fringe on her shawl.

"Yup. That ok?" Olivia pulled her hand back and snaked it around Alex's shoulders.

"Sure. I don't advertise my personal life, Liv...but I think everyone at the 1-6 already knows all my secrets." Alex turned from Olivia and stared out the window.

"Hey, what happened on the case was handled in the strictest confidence. You know that, right?" Olivia squeezed her shoulder a little.

"Yes, but they can't un-know what they know, Liv." Alex continued gazing out in to the New York City night.

"You seriously think every rumor under the sun hadn't already been spouted about you, Alex? It's a boys club, baby. Even way back when, there was plenty said." She placed her fingers under Alex's chin and turned her until she met her eyes. "I'd hand you a cup of coffee and every Y chromosome in the squad had us naked and half-way to happy land."

"I know, but then it wasn't true. Well, it's _still_ not all the way true." Alex gave a half smile.

"Look, I'm willing to keep a low profile, but I'm not going to hide my l..." Olivia's eyes darted from side to side. 'Crap.' "…my feelings for you or our relationship."

Alex had heard Liv's near slip of the tongue and froze. "What?"

"What, what?" Olivia was hoping to at least buy herself some time.

"What did you stop yourself from saying, Liv...and why?" Alex turned to face Olivia.

Olivia took a deep breath. 'I guess the toothpaste is out of the tube. She either feels the same or not. Here goes.' She exhaled slowly. She captured the glacier blue eyes that were begging for honesty. "I'm in love with you, Alex. I have been for...well, I don't even know exactly. What I _do_ know is I love you." Olivia gave a small smile.

Alex felt her insides turn to flame and then melt. The oddest feeling was that simultaneously, goose bumps rose on her flesh. "You're...You love me?" She finally managed barely above a whisper.

"Yes." Olivia nodded.

"Well that's good." Alex's eyes were wide and she wanted to be more eloquent and graceful...but she couldn't.

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "Good?"

"Yes. Good. Good, because I love you, too, Liv. I love you, too." Alex leaned in and gave Olivia the softest, sweetest kiss.

Olivia's eyes closed at the light contact. "Good."

"Ladies?" The driver spoke for the first time. "We have arrived at La Cucina."

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The restaurant was a candlelit setting with intimate tables for two scattered throughout. The two women sat at their table sipping the last of the Chianti, lost in conversation with each other.

"Shall I bring the dessert tray by?" The waitress asked with a pleasant smile.

Olivia smiled at the young woman and looked at Alex. "What do you think?" She checked her watch.

"Do we have time to split a cannoli?" Alex asked a little sheepishly.

"Sure, but we've got symphony tickets...so if you could bring dessert and the check together, that'd be great."

"Sure thing, ladies. I'll get that right out for you." The waitress disappeared in to the kitchen.

"I would have figured you for more of a tiramisu gal." Olivia laughed.

"Nope. Cannoli is my weakness." Alex gave a sly grin.

"I'll keep that in mind." Olivia could not remember having a better time or being this happy. She was certain she looked like an idiot smiling like she was. She could have cared less.

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As they sat in their private box enjoying the music, Alex had slipped off her shawl. Olivia was drawn to the exposed flesh of Alex's back and neck. She licked her lips and slid her arm around Alex. "This ok?"

Alex glanced her way briefly. "Uh huh." She leaned back in to the warmth of Olivia's hand.

Olivia once again felt she was living a dream. She, Olivia Benson, was sitting in a private box at symphony hall with her arm around Alex Cabot. She gently rubbed Alex's shoulder with her thumb.

Alex's skin tingled under Olivia gentle touch. She was as content as she'd ever been. It was almost surreal.

By the first intermission, Alex would have been in Olivia's lap had the seats allowed for it. Olivia's palm was flat against the exposed skin of her upper back and she was rubbing light circles on the base of her neck.

Alex had always had a thing for Olivia's hands, but now that they were on her...and how they were touching her...the symphony could have played the chicken dance and she's not sure she would have noticed. She cleared her throat. "Do you need anything?"

'Boy, do I.' Olivia decided to keep that to herself. "No, but I don't mind stretching my legs a little. Do you want anything?"

"Hhhmmm, I could stand about four more hours of that." Alex pressed back against Olivia's hand.

Olivia leaned in a little and whispered in to Alex's ear. "Is that right?"

"Ok, cut that out." Alex could feel the goose bumps traveling up and down her body from Olivia's breath against her ear and neck. The warmth spreading from her stomach was overwhelming.

"And what if I don't?" Olivia held her position dangerously close to Alex's ear.

Alex growled and turned her head so they were practically nose-to-nose. "Behave."

Olivia laughed and kissed her lightly on the nose. "How about some coffee?"

"Sounds good. Thanks." Alex watched Olivia as she scooted by her and walked out of the box. The dress fit her well and for lack of a better description, Olivia look as good leaving the room as did walking in. Alex bit the inside of her cheek and threw her head back. "You drive me crazy."

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Shortly after the stage darkened and the houselights came up, Alex and Liv were attempting to fight their way through the crowd. Alex grabbed Olivia's hand so they wouldn't lose each other.

"Gah, there's less pushing and shoving leaving Yankee Stadium." Olivia snarked as they finally made it out to the street. Olivia looked at their still joined hands.

"Yes, well, at least it was peppered with the occasional 'excuse me' and not disgruntled stares." Alex saw Olivia looking at their hands. "Oh, I guess I should let go of you now."

Olivia smiled. "Not unless you want to. I'm perfectly happy."

Alex swung their hands in a ridiculously girlish way. "Me too."

"Ok, I don't usually hire cars...how the hell do you reconnect with your driver?" Olivia asked scanning the throngs of people and cars as they continued walking.

"Phone him and tell him to meet us a couple blocks up. It'll be less crowded and easier for him to find us." Alex shivered in the night air.

"I knew hanging out with a child of privilege would pay off sooner or later." Olivia squeezed Alex's hand and pulled out her cell.

Alex wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed her arms. The shawl looked pretty, but it wasn't doing much to keep her warm.

"Ok, we're all set. You cold, sweetie?" Olivia asked with concern.

"A little, but I'll live." Alex held out her hand for Olivia to take.

"Nuh uh." Olivia unbuttoned her coat and shrugged out of one sleeve. She held her coat open. "Come here."

Alex almost melted on the spot with the tenderness of the gesture. Olivia knew her well enough to know she'd never accept her coat, but this...this was something she thought she couldn't refuse. "I like the way you think."

Olivia sighed a contented sigh as Alex snaked an arm around her waist and huddled close under her coat. Liv slid her arm around Alex and they walked arm in arm the two blocks without any conversation. Both women were suddenly oblivious to the cold evening air. For Alex and Olivia, the only thing that existed in that moment was the warmth of each other.

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	13. Chapter 13

**_Author's Note: This is the final chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I appreciate any and all feedback more than I can express. Ok, let's give these ladies their happy ending!_**

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By the time the car pulled up in front of Alex's building, Alex had gone from huddling close for warmth, to resting her head on Olivia's shoulder to beginning to softly kiss the warm olive skin of Olivia's neck.

The latter was causing the most amazing reaction in the brunette detective. She squirmed, moaned softly and covered Alex's hand that was resting on her stomach with her own. "Uh, Alex...sweetie...we're, oh...uh...here."

"Mmmm." Alex murmured against the soft skin she was kissing.

"Which means..." Liv pulled away a bit, "we need to get out of the car now."

Alex pulled back to meet Olivia's eyes. "I'll give the driver a blank check to keep driving for another hour."

Liv smirked. Her breath hitched at what Alex was implying and the desire she saw in those deep blue eyes. "Alex, you naughty girl." She reached out and cupped her face. "As much as you bring out the horny teenager in me, I cannot make out with you in the backseat of a car."

"Why? Haven't you ever made out in the back seat before?" Alex tickled her ribs.

"Yes, I have. But not in a Lincoln Towncar with a Bureau Chief. It's just...not me." Olivia blushed a little.

Alex pouted. "But I want you to stay...and if we get out of the car..."

Liv stopped her. "That's really good. Cuz I don't want to go." She brushed her bottom lip with her thumb.

Alex stuck out her tongue, swiped it across the pad of Liv's thumb and softly nipped the tip. "Let's go."

Liv's eyes were wide. She nodded. She licked her lips. There was nothing she could do but follow this woman who had so completely and skillfully captivated her.

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Once they were inside Alex's building and waiting for the elevator, Olivia stood behind Alex and pressed against her back. "Can I make a confession?" She whispered in the tall blonde's ear.

Alex swallowed hard at the press of Olivia's body and her breath against her ear. "Sure, but I didn't know you were Catholic."

"Keep it up, smarty," Liv placed her palm flat against Alex's tummy and pulled her more firmly against her, "and I'll back away."

Alex could sense the evil smirk Liv was wearing. "You win. Confess."

The ding of the elevator caused them to break contact while they entered.

Olivia nervously worried the inside of her cheek. "Aside from one particularly awkward, fumbling and unsatisfactory drunken encounter with my college roommate, I've never..." She looked around the elevator searching for the right words.

Alex smiled. "Oh, Olivia, don't worry. From what I've seen so far, you're a natural." Alex stepped in to her personal space. "You've got good instincts."

Olivia groaned and once again the ding of the elevator broke the mood. She sighed as Alex grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the elevator and down the hall.

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Once inside with coats removed, Alex could feel Liv's tension and apprehension. She folded her hands and captured the big brown eyes that now resembled dark chocolate. "I'm not going to force you to do anything if you're not comfortable or ready. Maybe I'm wrong, but we've been doing a slow and tortuous version of foreplay for...what...almost 10 years now. And after tonight at the symphony and in the car..." Alex stepped closer to Olivia and cupped her cheek with one hand.

Liv leaned in to the touch. She'd never been more nervous in her life...or more turned on.

Alex's eyes shone with a fire that had been smoldering for nearly a decade. She brushed her lips against Liv's cheek and whispered. "I want you so badly."

Liv whimpered. "God Alex...me too." Liv's breathing was rapid and she could feel warmth swirling low in her belly. "But I haven't got a clue what I'm doing." She added meekly.

Alex pulled Liv closer and captured her lips. Something about the way Liv's mouth tasted drove her wild with desire.

Olivia's hands settled on the blonde's narrow hips. She groaned in to the kiss and quickly parted her lips at the request of Alex's soft pink tongue.

Alex's hand slid around to Olivia's firm butt and squeezed the flesh appreciatively. Her other hand slipped behind Liv's neck, the fingers playing through the soft hair there. Alex licked, nipped, teased and tasted Liv's mouth with a skill unmatched by Olivia's previous kissing partners.

Olivia pulled back when breathing became an issue.

"You say you haven't got a clue." Alex smiled as she panted. "Well, you're a detective, right?"

Olivia only nodded not trusting her voice.

"Then investigate until you find the _clues_ you need."

The sexy smirk Alex wore was the last straw for Olivia. She made a sound in her throat like a jungle cat and pounced on Alex.

Alex reveled in the sensations of the investigation Liv was performing on her neck and throat. Alex moaned loudly which only seemed to further inspire her detective.

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Olivia propped herself up on one elbow and gazed at the beauty next to her. She was grinning from ear to ear. Blue eyes blinked open.

"Hey." Alex whispered throatily from her spot on the bed.

"Hey." Olivia bent down and softly kissed her lips, cheeks and forehead. "You ok?"

"Mmmhmm." Alex sighed and moaned softly.

"Is it safe to assume my investigation was a success?" Olivia grinned and began tracing patterns across the delicate skin of Alex's upper chest.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Yes, that assumption would be safe. I don't usually lose consciousness." Alex reached up and began rubbing Liv's arm. The tight flesh covering the hard muscle was soft and warm.

"Then I call this case closed." Olivia lay down and snuggled her head against Alex's chest, bestowing small kisses on the flesh as she got settled. "I love you, by the way. Making love with you makes us sappy, it appears."

Alex moved quickly and had Olivia on her back. Blue eyes locked on to brown. "I love you, too." She settled herself on top of Olivia, pressing their naked breasts together causing both women to shiver. "And sappy is a side effect that does _not_ out-weigh the benefits." Alex settled her thigh in between Olivia's causing her detective to groan loudly. "But the case isn't closed until the prosecution rests."

"Oh my GOD, Alex..." Olivia closed her eyes against the pleasure coursing through her body as Alex began to rock against her. It was the last intelligible sentence Olivia uttered that night.

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As the sun shone through the window of Alex's bedroom, it seemed to reflect off her hair and give it a golden shine. Olivia sifted the strands through her fingers and delighted in the tickling feeling of it brushing against her chest.

Eyes as deep and blue as the ocean looked up at her. "Good morning."

Olivia shook her head. "Best morning." She leaned down for a quick kiss.

"Sap. You're up early." Alex shifted so she could play her fingers against Liv's tummy.

"Yeah. I was just thinking." She closed her eyes as she felt Alex's fingers dance lightly against her abdomen.

"About what?"

"About what an idiot I am." Olivia smirked.

"Oh." Alex turned her touch in to a tickle. "What do you mean?"

Olivia giggled and stilled Alex's hand. "We could have had this..." she gestured around them, "so long ago."

Alex shook her head and laced their fingers. "No. It wouldn't have been _this_ at any other time but now. We might not have appreciated each other or what a gift _this_ is if not for everything else."

Olivia shrugged. "I guess."

Alex slid up so she was next to the brunette. "I don't guess, Liv. I know." She ran her other hand up Liv's side, over the swell of her ample breast. She cupped the soft warm flesh tenderly. Alex intended the touch to comfort, not excite.

Olivia sighed at the tenderness of the gesture and the love reflected in Alex's eyes. "How can you know?"

Alex shook her head. "I wasn't ready before. If we had pursued anything...I would have wound up running from it...and from you. Now, well, now I understand what's important and what's worth fighting for...what matters and what doesn't."

"You know, it's a good thing you aren't allowed to be naked while presenting a case. You'd be even more convincing which would violate the criminal's rights to a fair trial." Olivia wrapped her arms around her lover and held her tight.

"You're biased. But if I ever prosecute for you again, we can rehearse naked." Alex wiggled her eyebrows and increased the pressure on the soft, warm flesh she still held in her hand.

"Hmmm, you've got yourself a deal, counselor. Now, shut up and kiss me."

And Alex did...that morning and every morning after that for the rest of their lives.

_The end_


End file.
